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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Can he make me sell

44 replies

Mummypopsxx · 31/10/2021 07:30

Hi, l am getting divorced and live alone with our 15 year old son. The house is mortgage free and jointly owned with my soon to be ex. He wants me to sell and give him half the money so he can buy a place with his new girlfriend. Do l have the right to stay here until my son is 18 and completes college? I would be grateful for any advice.
Thank you.

OP posts:

Pompom2367 · 31/10/2021 07:34

Could you downsize op?

Cupcakegirl13 · 31/10/2021 07:35

Yes legally you can stay there until your son is 18.

SunndyD · 31/10/2021 07:36

It’s not as cut and dry as can he make you, they would look at what is in the best interest of the child. Given his age and he is so close to 18 it wouldn’t be I reasonable for a plan to be made in terms of selling the property.
It’s also not unreasonable for your X to want his half of the property…. Can you buy him out by remortgaging?
If not What will significantly change in the next three years to be able to buy him out or buy your own place with your half?

TheReluctantPhoenix · 31/10/2021 07:36

No automatic right.

Why wouldn’t you sell? It is half your ex’s, and he also needs somewhere to spend time with his son.

There is a Mesher order, which would allow you to remain in the family home, but these would only be granted when it was clearly in the best interest of the child.

GoodnightGrandma · 31/10/2021 07:38

You need to speak to a solicitor.
You might be able to do a deal where you get more than 50%
Do you want to stay in the house or move eventually ?

MuttsNutts · 31/10/2021 07:38

You need to speak to your solicitor about a Mesher Order.

A Mesher Order would enable you and your son to stay in the house until one of certain pre-defined criteria are met, e.g. he reaches 18 or you get another partner.

Soontobe60 · 31/10/2021 07:38

@Cupcakegirl13

Yes legally you can stay there until your son is 18.

Not necessarily. If splitting the equity will enable you to each buy your own house the courts will usually agree to the sale. It’s irrelevant that he wants to buy a house with his girlfriend.

millymolls · 31/10/2021 07:41

You do not have an automatic legal right to stay
Nor does he have an automatic right to 50%

You need a solicitor

Newwifeatnumber10 · 31/10/2021 07:41

My DH’s greedy ex has the house and spousal maintenance until their youngest is 20. It stops us being able to buy our own place. Hope that helps!

VanCleefArpels · 31/10/2021 07:42

It’s a myth that there is an automatic right to stay till the youngest child is 18. The court would consider everyone’s best interests - with a starting point that it’s better to try to create a clean break unless there are factors that mean that would not be fair. Given the age of your son I think it would be highly unlikely any application for sale made by your husband would not be successful. However as others have said it might not necessarily be a 50/50 split. You need legal advice

anon12345678901 · 31/10/2021 07:45

Yes he can. My friends ex is forcing their sale, young children involved and the judge agreed to the sale at a 60/40 split to her. If you cannot afford to buy him out then there is every possibility of a sale. Courts like a clean break if possible.

MakeMeCleanTheHouse · 31/10/2021 07:46

@Mummypopsxx work out what mortgage you can get on your wages and see if you can buy the house? In 3 years if you have to give ex his share of the house what would your plan be? Think ahead and use plan now so it's not hanging over you. It won't go away forever. Adult children also need a family home so you might as well ensure his security now.

Your DH is entitled to a share of the house. It depends if you parked a career to bring up your child and maybe ex is a big earner so your share of the house might reflect that but the cold hard fact is you need to consider being independent

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2021 07:51

@Cupcakegirl13

Yes legally you can stay there until your son is 18.

Oh dear this is totally wrong, you can’t post stuff like this.

Op, no, you have no legal right, he is entitled to half the house as a starting point, so it’s likely but not a given court will force you to sell.

You can stall the divorce and cling on though and gain some time, sure it will be deeply acrimonious and damaging but Fighting him, even if it’s a war you will loose will chew up time,,and money,

Go and see a solicitor.

TheReluctantPhoenix · 31/10/2021 07:52

Realistically, if a couple’s main asset is a house and, if sold, both can afford to buy other properties, the sensible solution is a sale.

Hanging on to a house just prolongs the divorce, often over years, and prolongs resentment and animosity. This is clearly not in the best interests of a child.

Soontobe60 · 31/10/2021 07:52

@Newwifeatnumber10

My DH’s greedy ex has the house and spousal maintenance until their youngest is 20. It stops us being able to buy our own place. Hope that helps!

Yeah, because wanting to house your child and expecting a parent to contribute to their living costs is really greedy 🤣

knittingaddict · 31/10/2021 07:54

@Cupcakegirl13

Yes legally you can stay there until your son is 18.

That's rarely the case these days. Courts tend to prefer a clean break financial agreement and most people are required to sell up the family home and split the equity.

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2021 07:56

A court will make sure all parties will be housed and that it’s in the best interests of the child to remain in the home Ie they couldn’t be in another one close to their school. They are not common any more like in the 80s/90s

The op needs to seek legal advice.

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2021 07:57

@Newwifeatnumber10

My DH’s greedy ex has the house and spousal maintenance until their youngest is 20. It stops us being able to buy our own place. Hope that helps!

Greedy? Seriously? If a court granted that then there is a signficant reason as that’s very rare.

TheReluctantPhoenix · 31/10/2021 07:59

@Bluntness100 and@Soontobe60,

Housing a child does not entail remaining in a hone big enough for a full family.

The sensible solution is to downsize.

Most who try to remain in large family homes do it for themselves, even though they may justify it otherwise. It is selfish.

MakeMeCleanTheHouse · 31/10/2021 08:07

I think both divorcees need to recognise their financial health will change and this will impact children. But financial health is only a part of the bigger impact and acrimony and fighting for years is far more damaging IMO. So each party should take responsibility for finding a solution to ensuring children are housed and looked after and this means both parties need housing so the DC can stay with each parent. The basic maths means a big house has to be sold to provide two smaller houses and a non mortgage situation may need to be reviewed.

I took on a large mortgage when I divorced to enable the children to stay in the family home. I gave ex 50% (of the lowest valuation we got) Stressful yes. Worth it...oh yes. We divorced in 22 weeks without fighting

Newwifeatnumber10 · 31/10/2021 08:07

There’s a much bigger story than just wanting to house their children but just stick to the Mumsnet script!

Newwifeatnumber10 · 31/10/2021 08:08

Yes @Bluntness100 seriously! She refused to divorce unless he agreed. Blackmail and the knowledge that he’s the better person and it’s a cost to get rid of her.

Theuniverseandeverything · 31/10/2021 08:11

Times have changed and no, you do not have the right to stay in the house until children are 18. A clean break is preferred.

However the situation is different for every couple so you need legal advice. I wouldn’t ask on here as the average person would not know!

Newwifeatnumber10 · 31/10/2021 08:12

The judge actually chucked it out the first time and DH had to pay to raise another document to say he agreed to it as it was so unfair. She refused to let us move on and I wasn’t the OW before anyone asks.

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2021 09:14

@Newwifeatnumber10

Yes *@Bluntness100* seriously! She refused to divorce unless he agreed. Blackmail and the knowledge that he’s the better person and it’s a cost to get rid of her.

Well he didn’t need to agree, he could still have forced the sale, went for legal seperation and then divorced after the 5 years. So seems like he was happy to agree this and selling you a line.

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