I have written this letter to my husband about separation can I have peoples opinions please?
Dear H, I know this will be difficult to read as it has been difficult to write too, as you know I haven’t felt happy for a while now, even before the wedding I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted I was just too afraid to be honest with myself and you. You aren’t stupid you know that’s how I felt before the wedding and you know it’s how I feel now too, I keep trying so hard to push those feelings and thoughts aside to keep the marriage going which of course I want to do because I do love you and the kids love you but I just don’t think it is enough anymore it is causing to much unhappiness staying and, I don’t want to just give up trying because I need to know we’re not loosing something that could be amazing but I need you to know that since every time we’ve spoken about these things you have said about leaving and it has made me feel like that’s what needs to happen for me to feel better as the marriage is emotionally draining and becoming more difficult to be happy and no relationship should cost you or me our happiness. Since our last conversation I’ve been really trying to be close and show emotions but it doesn’t feel natural it feels forced, Over the past few days I’ve been trying really hard to not let those feelings affect me which has helped in the moment but it’s still there and I can’t just change how I feel because I don’t want us to finish. When I’ve been getting intimate with you it has of course felt good at the time but it doesn’t last because it is forced I don’t really want to do anything because I’m just not here emotionally anymore. I sit and think about the relationship as a whole and it has been more difficult than happiness from the start everything moved so fast, I was in a vulnerable place back then as were you, I don’t regret us being together but I felt a sense of responsibility for you since you made it very clear that you had nothing to live for without me and I still am vulnerable now because I never healed from what he did to me and I feel like all this emotional trauma is going to damage my mental health in the long run, I don’t want to lead you on to think everything is okay I just need to be honest with you and it’s so difficult for me to speak because I don’t know where to start. I know this will be a lot to process because it is for me too especially when it feels inevitable to separate but I think we both deserve to be happy even it won’t be for a while weather it’s together or separately we both should have the chance to feel normal and not have more damage caused to our mental health. Obviously I love you otherwise it would be easy to just say it’s over but part of me wants to still work I just don’t want to suffer anymore and I don’t know what is best for us.