His reasons for wanting EOW

[Belongstome]

We have 2 young children. The youngest is 3 and sleeps with me most nights, I only stopped breastfeeding 8 months ago.

We are separating and I have said that we ought to share overnights with DCs at the weekends as they're still young and not used to being away from me, or me them. Also, DP is blind when it comes to them being ill during the night and just wouldn't think to check temperatures etc. But for one night every three or four, I think it would be ok as I'd see them not long before bed time and I only live a mile away so can easily be in reach if they needed me.

I thought he would agree but is asking for EOW. I was surprised by this at first, but he's informed me that he intends on taking the DCs away in his parents caravan as much as possible on these weekends. He thinks life is one big holiday in general and is often irresponsible with bed times, meals times, bath times etc. He'll be even more so in the caravan.

This has unnerved me as during previous holidays in his parents caravan, he gets this holiday mentality and forgets that the DCs are only young, he loses all inhibitions and doesn't keep an eye on them, letting them roam around in the dark (even lost the 3 year old last time when I went inside to find something) as he sat on his phone drinking beer.

I'm so angry at his reasoning for wanting EOW and this is so him too- thinking that he's going to make careless mini breaks out of our custody arrangements where I know he won't take his parenting and responsibilities seriously.

I know that courts often declare EOW arrangements, but is there a way around this given youngest DCs age and my concerns? I'm guessing not, but any hope at all would be so appreciated right now 🙏

I think your first step might be mediation if there is no history of domestic abuse.
Mediation might help him realise that going away EOW is not sustainable long term, especially as the children get older as they will likely want to do activities at the weekend, see their friends, go to parties etc - they will need routine, especially when both at school. He might think taking them away at the weekend will be fun, but he will also need to ensure things like reading and homework are done too.

I’m afraid the children aren’t babies

I feel for you

But EOW is entirely reasonable

And later bedtimes and seeing the weekends as a holiday - are of no interest in the legal sense

EOW is entirely reasonable as a contact pattern for a 3-year-old, in most cases. If you don't agree a mutually acceptable contact pattern, he may take you to court, and he may ask for, and be awarded, more than EOW. DH's ex refused to let him have EOW - he took her to court and was awarded almost 50% time with the children.

Your concerns sound like a difference in parenting styles rather than genuine safety concerns. If you have genuine, concrete safeguarding concerns, then surely any overnight contact would be a risk - offering overnights only to a schedule you're happy with does not seem consistent with genuine concern about the safety of the children while in his care.