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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Mediation advice

10 replies

Sweetie1980 · 27/10/2021 21:05

Would really appreciate some advice re mediation. I have just received my decree nisi. My dh had been demanding 50/50 with kids, I didn’t agree as he works long hours and I have always been the primary carer . My solicitor sent his solicitor a letter which said the assumption would be I would continue to be the primary carer and I would need to house myself and the children . I have received a reply today from his solicitor suggesting mediation for finances with no mention of children’s arrangements. I am confused by this as children’s arrangements are most important abs key to finances . Has anyone one been through similar ? Thank you

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Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 28/10/2021 18:28

Anyone ?

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Itsybitsydooda · 28/10/2021 23:22

I'd guess that your ex is only asking for 50:50 to avoid paying any child maintenance. Mediation to discuss financials only would kind of support that too perhaps.

magicstars · 28/10/2021 23:38

Currently awaiting my decree absolute, but thankfully no argument over me remaining primary carer for dc. Sounds to me as though your ex is agreeing to your solicitor's suggestion & is now wanting to sort out the maintenance he'll be paying. What did your solicitor make of the response?

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 29/10/2021 06:28

Thank you for the replies . My solicitor said he hasn’t challenged it and she made it quite clear in her letter I would continue to be the primary carer , I just worry I will get to mediation and he will disagree . I am a bit all over the place as I am not sleeping so I hope that makes sense ..

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Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 29/10/2021 06:29

Magic stars - I hope all went ok for you

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comfortablyfrumpy · 29/10/2021 16:26

Just a thought @Sweetie1980 - have you applied for the Absolute? It's normally best to get the finances agreed and have a Consent Order agreed before you go as far as the Absolute?

comfortablyfrumpy · 29/10/2021 16:29

ps... if you go to mediation and you feel that's not going to work out, you can ask the mediator to "sign you off" so you can go the court application route for finances. If you think you can mediate for finances that will save expense and time - but it doesn't work for everyone. Mine refused to play ball with supplying documents so I had no option but to stop mediation and go via Court. It would have been so much easier if he hadn't wanted to hide assets and be obstructive!

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 29/10/2021 18:45

Thank you comfortably . I have just got the nisi through this week. He was demanding 50/50 shared care and this is why I was surprised the children’s arrangements was not mentioned in his solicitors letter , I am really hoping he had realised this is not the best option for the kids and he has never wanted /been able to do it before ( even though he is now working at home )

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StoneColdBitch · 29/10/2021 18:58

A cautionary tale... similar situation happened to a relative of mine (who was dad). His STBXW tried to insist on mediation about finances first essentially as a form of blackmail - she said she would not discuss child arrangements until they'd agreed a financial split she was happy with. He ended up having to go to court for both child arrangements and finances. So I wouldn't assume your ex is backing off.

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 29/10/2021 19:02

This is what worries me .. my solicitor said we would need to agree children’s arrangements first as they are key to finances

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