I separated from my Husband about 18m ago.
Absolute out of the blue shocker, found out that he had played around with class As and then committed adultery with someone we both knew. He wasn't well at the time mentally. But I am having a really hard time processing it all and I certainly don't think mental health gives someone a free pass to act like an absolute arsehole.
Whilst I have a huge amount of empathy for him and of course I love him....I also still feel so bloody furious that he let himself, and me, down so badly by stooping to that level.
It transpires that I don't have many true friends - a lot of them knew what my Husband had done, because the OW had blabbed it around - so I am struggling with the humiliation and hurt that I feel betrayed by others, not just my Husband. I am trying really hard to process the anger in a healthy way and not let it eat me up...but I am also struggling massively, as I have a very boring and monotonous life - my circle is very small, my job has tied me to barely being able to have a social life and now I am even more tied as am a single parent too.
Meanwhile my exH [well, officially still my Husband, legally] has loads more freedom and money, as he is off renting a small property and doesn't have all the stresses of a dog, pet rats and a large home to tidy and organise.
Finding it very hard not to be full of resentment that he has absolutely screwed me over and I am beginning to see how one-sided our relationship was, and kicking myself for not seeing it sooner.
I was a SAHM for many years, raising out children, so my career never really got off the ground...and once I went back into work, he clearly couldn't cope with the stress of parenting the kids alone whilst I was on shift. 
I just feel so incredibly sad and let-down that he betrayed me like that. I needed him to be a good husband and Dad and instead he behaved like a selfish, careless teenager.
How do you stop loving someone? It hurts so bloody much.
I think I am at the acceptance stage, I feel okay with being alone now. In fact, maybe I prefer it...I feel at peace when I'm alone and then I feel scared because does that mean he is not my person anymore? I so wanted us to work...I gave my everything to him and our children...but he betrayed me in the most humiliating way possible and I am so deeply hurt and angry for that.
I really want to see my future with him - some may ask why, when he treated me like that, and trust me I ask myself why too....I am doing a lot of work on whether it was co-dependency/healthy relationship etc.
Not helped by an absolutely SHOCKING relationship dynamic on his side - my inlaws relationship issues and lack of healthy boundaries, has added a lot of stress to us over the years, and it's hard not to feel furious towards them too.
Please help me make sense of what I'm feeling - I am really struggling with the grief and shock of the last 18m - and then the pandemic/home schooling etc didn't help matters. I feel exhausted and mentally drained.