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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Mediators - do they advise?

16 replies

Igiorni42 · 17/10/2021 20:46

Do mediators give advice?

For example, if a couple come to them with a clearly unfair financial split, but the couple ‘says’ they agree on it, will the mediator step in and say that it’s not fair? Or will they just go along with what the couple have decided between them?

OP posts:
camouflagejacket · 17/10/2021 20:58

I would love to know the answer to this question. My h is pushing for us to agree before we get there.

Mmmmdanone · 17/10/2021 21:00

I believe they only facilitate an agreement, so no, I don't think in that situation they would intervene. If there's an agreement then job done .

Mmmmdanone · 17/10/2021 21:03

To clarify, I'm no expert! I'm going through mediation regarding child contact and I've been told they will just help me and husband talk but not tell us what to do.

Original poster
Igiorni42 · 17/10/2021 21:17

Ok, thank you all. I will ring round tomorrow and get as many free 30mins advice from solicitors as I can then. I don’t know what my at dh has planned, but I know he thinks it should be less than 50/50 in my favour as I’ve not worked full time since children and I didn’t put as much money in at the start of our 20+ year relationship.

OP posts:
camouflagejacket · 17/10/2021 21:35

What I do know is that the settlement should be based on need, not what you put in financially. Do probably it should be more than 50% for you if for example you can't get a mortgage but he can.

comfortablyfrumpy · 18/10/2021 17:08

@Igiorni42

Ok, thank you all. I will ring round tomorrow and get as many free 30mins advice from solicitors as I can then. I don’t know what my at dh has planned, but I know he thinks it should be less than 50/50 in my favour as I’ve not worked full time since children and I didn’t put as much money in at the start of our 20+ year relationship.
As above- if you've been doing the child care then that's an equally important contribution.

And after 20 years, it would be likely to all be in the "pot" so to speak...

Your STBEX might be in for a shock :)

Rosemaryandlemon · 18/10/2021 17:13

They don’t advise. They are there to facilitate an agreement.

RandomMess · 18/10/2021 17:27

No solicitor would agree to that based on the information given.

Yes get advice on what would be a typical split and use mediation to tell him you won't be budging to less than at least 50% of ALL assets including pensions.

Sounds like you will end up in court anyway!

ThatMortgageDilemma · 18/10/2021 17:32

A mediator is not a judge. They won't advise or make decisions on your case. They won't take sides at all.

They are there simply to moderate your conversation with your ex, understand each other's points of view and to draft documents from whatever you decide and agree together.

They won't tell you if something is fair or not, and will go ahead with whatever you agree to, so it may be a good idea to get some proper legal advice before you show to the appointment.

freeatlast2021 · 18/10/2021 17:43

OP the answer is NO, they do not advise. I just went through a separation and because we are not very wealthy my ex wanted us to do the separation agreement by ourselves. I did not feel comfortable with that so I suggested a mediator as they are cheaper then a lawyer. Ours was useless, to be honest. First of all she should not be advising as she is neutral, she just helps a couple communicate, but also this one literally did not do anything. She ended up dropping us due to "family illness" and I hired a lawyer to help us with the agreement. I wish I had done it from the start. Talking to the lawyer I felt so much better as she gave me concrete suggestions and guidance and told me some things I did not even know are possible.

FamilyLawMediatorSolicitor · 18/10/2021 18:06

Hello, I’m a family law mediator, and solicitor.

We can’t advise as such, but we can highlight where we believe parties should take legal advice and also where an agreement is likely to fall outside the court’s discretion. Courts also scrutinise agreements for fairness, so it may get queried at that stage. I always suggest that parties going to financial mediation see a mediator who is also a solicitor so they can give that guidance on agreements that might fall outside the court’s discretion.

Thissucksmonkeynuts · 18/10/2021 18:17

Our mediator said that the courts will apply criteria to the financial settlement and to read the guidance and go from there.

camouflagejacket · 18/10/2021 18:22

This is really un-nerving to be honest. I know they don't advise, but I'd assume they'd be there to say 'have you considered this' do everyone knows what they are signing up to.

ivegotthisyeah · 19/10/2021 08:31

Yeah I'd say they are a waste of money too mine was also useless - although you have to do mediation before you can go to court.
I found mine just sat there didn't say much and like PP said it was more communication between the parties than any sort of help direction or advice. My advice would be if you are going down that route and after the first couple of sessions if you not getting anywhere say this isn't working and move onto next stage I wasted so much money and time

StoneColdBitch · 22/10/2021 17:33

My husband had mediation when he divorced his first wife, and from what he has told me, the mediator (who was a lawyer) did gently try to flag up how various proposals might compare to what would likely be decided in court. Said mediator apparently advised DH's ex to accept his proposed offer, as it was similar to what she would get in court. She refused, they ended up in court, and she actually ended up worse off than she would have if she'd accepted the offer in mediation. So the mediator (who was a solicitor) gave her a pretty good steer.

camouflagejacket · 22/10/2021 18:01

Thanks. That's what I was hoping... and also pointing out if one side is doing themselves down.

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