How to cope living together during divorce

[Sweetie1980]

My ex refuses to move out, we are just at the start and waiting for nisi to be heard. He is very verbally aggressive and he has just called me a piece if crap I'm in front of the children. . I am so anxious and just wish he would move out. Is anyone else going through this.? I am.divorcing him ,finally after years of this and his intimidating behaviour. He is going for 50/50 with kids and I am so scared about this...

I don't have any experience of this as I moved out with the children at the beginning and then had to fight hard to get us back in the house. But reading other threads, it seems that it is really common to live together through the agony and I really feel for you. Have you got a spare room or anywhere that can be your space? It's really not on him speaking to you like that. Can you try and speed the finances etc.. along?

Thanks. I go to the bedroom when the kids are asleep so I do have some space. I just don't know how I will get through Christmas living like this

Have been in a similar situation and still living together - decided on and started talking about divorce in January 2020 so had to go through lockdowns and all. It hasn't been easy... at all!!

Can't comment how your husband is, but mine can also be verbally aggressive and a bully; however as he realised I wasn't backing down things started to change. We went through phases of not talking to each other, to arguing and being able to communicate well. It really did go up and down. The verbal attacks have improved a lot lately and surprisingly we are actually getting on really well as we plan the move to new homes and how we will together talk to our son. He would never be like this before, I think maybe he thought if he made it very difficult I would change my mind.. not sure really!

All I can say is that be prepared for a difficult journey, find things to do to keep you sane and stay focused on what you want to achieve for yourself and your children.

I'm still not on the other side and it can be very lonely sometimes but staying optimistic that better times are yet to come x

Thank you . I had started the process in August 2020 and by Christmas was finding it all very stressful so I stupidly paused it . I think he thought I wouldn’t start the process so reverted back to the verbal abuse . My solicitor sent a letter re e form to his solicitor last week and I still haven’t heard back . I am glad things are better for you now .

@Sweetie1980 I've been there. It took almost 3 years to get him out, I really feel for you.
How are things going on the financial side, is there a plan going forwards about who will live where?

Things that helped me to survive, literally taking it one day at a time, you can only do today so don't waste time fretting about tomorrow.
Grey Rock technique, I didn't really talk to him about much, apart from general chat/civil conversation.
Looking for the good, keeping a gratitude list (3 things every day, it was often just a nice cup of coffee that I'd really enjoyed, something DS had done to make me proud or a message from a friend, but the little things were everywhere and they kept me from drowning).
Practical support is tricky, not much others can do, but if you have friends and family, lean on them, visit them, talk to them. They will want to be there for you.
I also ranted a lot on here 😂

I promise, you will get through this and life will come to meet you there

Abuse - verbal or otherwise - is domestic violence, it's really damaging to your kids to witness that. You could involve the police and have him removed.

I put up with this for 3-4 weeks while XH found a rental and it was awful, and escalated, I really hope you can find a way out of this situation.

Just coming to the end of this. One month till I get my new keys. It's been a roller coaster of being civil, sometimes pleasant but often either not speaking to each other or avoiding each other.
You'll get there. Remember to take a break when you need to. I've often had to jump in the car and drive to just get away from his hideous behaviour. Half an hour or so gave me time to regroup and come back in a more positive mindset for the children.

I'm struggling with this at the moment. We don't have a spare room so are still sharing the same bedroom until the house sale goes through. With a camp bed on the floor.

DH is very Woe Is Me, I'm So Heartbroken over it all and the teenagers are finding it hard because they are worried about him. I'm finding it hard not to reply that maybe if he wasn't abusive, selfish, lazy, financially irresponsible and busily sending explicit messages to other women, he might not be in this situation.

Thanks everyone for your messages. Its so hard, I feel very depressed most days. I go to bed when the kids do so I avoid him during the evening. We have a date for e form exchange but I think it will end in court as he is demanding 50/5O child contact even though he has never been hands on during the week....