Where did you live after separation?

[boilingkettle]

H and I are separating. Sad but amicable for now. We’ve just grown apart and want different things. Two kids under 10. We currently live around the corner from the kids’ school. He works full time, I work part time (for childcare reasons). We cover our outgoings each month but have nothing left over for savings. Completely joint finances. We’ll share house for now but that won’t work long term and tbh I think it would be easier to separate our domestic situation ASAP as it will be confusing to the kids. I don’t think I can afford to buy him out as I’m not sure my earnings would be enough to secure a solo remortgage. If we sell, we could probably each buy a smaller place but it would be much further away from school and not as nice an area. For me to rent a house nearby would cost 3-4 times as much as I currently pay into our mortgage.
What did you do to keep a roof over your head after separation? I’d love to work out a way to stay in the house purely for practical reasons of location, proximity to friends and family etc but I’m not attached to the actual house if you know what I mean…
What did you do? Where did you go? And how the hell did you afford it? (If that’s not too nosey)

Start by seeing if you can get a mortgage to remain in the family home. If not, find out why and see if there is anything you could do to make it happen such as increase your working income.

Otherwise , as you say, it's a smaller place in a different area so I'd start looking out for property in that area.

You could 1. Either get a Meschers order where you stay in the house and sell it when the children are 18 which is when your ex will get his share out of the sale of the house. You could either then pay the mortgage yourself and he rents or he may pay half of the mortgage.
You could 2. Sell the house and buy a shared ownership property with your deposit.
You could 3. Increase your hours and rent somewhere which can be very costly.
You could 4. See if you could afford the mortgage on your own by increasing your hours etc or if you have a spare room - rent a room to help with your income.

It's a tricky one. I'm in a similar position. It would be worth speaking to a financial advisor for some advice and you have a chat with your ex to see what he is thinking about doing too.

Totally depends on total assets and earnings as well as potential earnings

Ie how much of overall assets will you get?
Based on that can you raise a mortgage? Based on his share can he buy ir rent suitable place? Can you increase your earnings ( go full time) etc

Thanks everyone - I think I’m looking for a magic wand!
Typical story - I was higher earner but went part time in a different job when we had the kids due to breastfeeding and childcare costs etc etc
I did have my own property when we married and it was the equity on that which allowed us to buy the house we currently live in, so potentially he might be happy to let me stay here with the kids and buy him out at a later date, taking that equity into account…
I already work freelance on top of my part-time job so not sure what more I can do earnings-wise bar complete shift to full-time hours (but then would have childcare costs).
To be honest, I am quite good with money so separating our finances will be a positive for me as I’ll be able to see how much I actually have to play with going forward. When it’s all in one big joint pot, it all seems to get spent!
He’s a good man and won’t want to upset the kids lives but it’s hard to see the woods from the trees at the minute and I appreciate others’ experience and wisdom!

I can't offer advice as such but just my own experience in a similar position. We both earned relatively low amounts, I was nearly full time and H was full time so he earnt slightly more. I couldn't afford to get a mortgage to buy him out of the equity of the joint owned family house but he could, just about, raise enough to buy me out if he remortgaged in his own name. I had to accept that I'd need to move out which at first was hard but it was preferable to forcing the sale of the house. It left me with enough for a deposit on a house and I could raise a mortgage in my own name, albeit not a massive mortgage so I could only afford a house in a not so nice area (though it's actually turned out to be a much friendlier community and doesn't deserve it's 'reputation') and a short distance away. On paper I couldn't see how we could afford to seperate as we only just managed every month on two salaries however, in reality it does work! My income is topped up by a small amount of tax credits and we split having the DC 50/50 so no maintenance is involved. It's tight but it's refreshing being able to completely control my own finances.

@Lemonandlimejelly thank you so much for posting this. I feel that selling the house is probably the solution. I’m not attached to it, just the location. It’s so easy! I’d happily let him buy me out if he could raise the cash to do that. It’s great to hear that your move has ended up being a positive thing for you.
I do look forward to proving that our financial issues were nothing to do with me ‘spending too much in Tesco’ 😉

@boilingkettle My experiences might not be much help to you but it rang a bell! I think selling the house is sometimes best but the option that everyone seems afraid of! My ex-H was very much against it and felt it was best for the DC if one of us stayed in it. Like you, I wasn't attached to it and the only way we could make the finances work was if he was the one that stayed.. having said that I think he slightly regrets it now! We're a few years down the line now and we've managed to remain amicable and the DC seem happy and content with the arrangements so I think all in all we made the best of a difficult situation! And yes, it's amazing how much easier it is to keep track of outgoings once you cut out the H! 😆

Best of luck and I hope you can find a solution that works for you.

@Lemonandlimejelly I think we're going to do similar. He's buying me oy of the family home and I'm buying somewhere smaller and not so nice area. How did the children find it? I'm worried sick of moving them form their home and explaining daddy is getting it. He hasn't lived here for 2 years and he only sees them EOW so home is very much with me 😞

Sorry to hijack post OP! I have looked into all possible options... Plan when he left 2 years ago was a Mesher order as he earns 6 figures and I, like you when PT and change career for the kids. But... That was 2 years ago when he felt bad. Now he has a new partner and wants his money now to settle with her so I have no choice. So my advice would be, whatever option you go with get it pushed through quickly as he may change his mind when emotions have settled

Hijack away @Worakis! Sorry he’s forcing you out of your home. From what I’m hearing it can be a positive thing to be completely financially clear of your partner, even if you can never do a clean break because of the kids. I hope it works out for you and your children. It sounds like home for them is with you.

Tous get help with childcare costs. If both are at school now, you'll always be better off financially working FT AND you can claim a bigger mortgage.

It's the obvious solution if not the nicest one.