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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Scared to leave abusive marriage

17 replies

lollypop29 · 06/10/2021 21:23

Sorry, I'm reposting this in another topic as I think I put it in the wrong topic before....

Hi everyone

Please help me make sense of this. I am tired of life, and completely at rock bottom.

I am in an abusive marriage and I can't leave because Im scared of loosing my child. I don't mean loosing custody of her, I mean I know I won't be able to cope with her being at her fathers house for nights.

He wants her 50/50 she isn't even two and he's been arrested in the past for being drunk in charge of her (I didn't know he was drinking) which came under neglect of a child under 7 , although he was not charged at court.

I am scared it will happen again if he has her overnight. He is mindlessly irresponsible, he drinks too much and I'm scared for my daughter. We will be living hours apart and how do I know when he drives to collect her he won't be over the legal limit to drive?

We are still married and even if he takes her out for the day and I send a text to ask how they are getting on I get told off by him and he says it "pisses him off" that I ask. So imagine what he'll be like if we divorce.

It's not that I don't want him to have contact with her, of course I do...but he needs to show me he's responsible and capable of keeping her safe.

He's already threatened me with 'top lawyers' and threatened that if I don't let him see her as much as he wants he'll cut the amount of child maintenance he'll give me (because he's self employed he says he'll dodge the system)

I feel completely stuck. I can't eat I can't sleep and I can't bare to think what the future holds.

Surely it's not okay for women to be scared to leave their marriage for the safety of their children?

OP posts:
Mamainthemaking · 06/10/2021 21:45

I’m not sure of any advice other than seeking good legal counsel. However, I wanted to say I’m sorry you are in this situation and I sincerely wish you the best going forward.

IndecentCakes · 06/10/2021 21:49

Well, he isn't responsible and capable if keeping her safe, is he? He won't change. If it were me I would be going rather far away while she's still so small - unpopular opinion, of course, but it's where my mind might go.

Chocobuns · 07/10/2021 03:53

Can you contact someone like womens aid? He can have supervised visits if thats an option.....and dont believe what he says, do your research, some very good online resources...dont feel trapped as you can get divorced, it might be a rollercoaster but its doable and sounds like you've done the first step already and moved away, well done !!
A DV charity can help you with lots of things as they are trained to asdist with these situations, good luck

namechanged9999 · 22/10/2021 22:25

Take your kid and walk. He will need to apply to court to see them if there are no interim arrangements in place and it will take months and months. He doesn't Automatically get to see them. You will get custody based on this arrest etc

HELPNEEDHELP12398765 · 30/10/2021 12:21

Have you spoken to women's aid? They may be able to provide some help and advise of what to do in your situation and to provide some support for you.

lollypop29 · 30/10/2021 12:32

@HELPNEEDHELP12398765

Have you spoken to women's aid? They may be able to provide some help and advise of what to do in your situation and to provide some support for you.
Yes, Thankyou. I have left now x
OP posts:
comfortablyfrumpy · 30/10/2021 15:12

I hope you and your daughter are OK @lollypop29

lollypop29 · 30/10/2021 15:16

@comfortablyfrumpy

I hope you and your daughter are OK *@lollypop29*
We will be in time, Thankyou x
OP posts:
sandybeach93 · 30/10/2021 16:21

How did you end up doing it I'm in the same position

lollypop29 · 30/10/2021 16:28

@sandybeach93

How did you end up doing it I'm in the same position
Sorry to hear you are the same. We were arguing one morning and he was being really nasty to me and I just thought I deserve so much better than this. I also thought how I can't keep putting our daughter through it and I just packed our things and left on the train. It's been incredibly difficult and I think about going back but I know it's for the best. Message me personally if you like x
OP posts:
sandybeach93 · 30/10/2021 16:35

I have no idea how to do that

lollypop29 · 30/10/2021 16:40

@sandybeach93

I have no idea how to do that
Neither do I actually 🥴
OP posts:
blackstripe · 30/10/2021 20:34

Can I message you too @lollypop29? In a very similar scenario!

lollypop29 · 30/10/2021 20:41

@blackstripe

Can I message you too *@lollypop29*? In a very similar scenario!
Of course x
OP posts:
lollypop29 · 30/10/2021 20:48

I don't know how to see my direct messages? Can anyone help?x

OP posts:
GenderAtheist · 30/10/2021 21:13

@lollypop29

I don't know how to see my direct messages? Can anyone help?x
On my screen it’s top right, under the big banner across the top. There’s a small search button and a little ‘ person ‘ button for ‘my account’.

Your inbox in is there.

lollypop29 · 30/10/2021 21:22

Thankyou! Can't see it on the app but I've found it on the web version, so go ahead and message me ladies xx

OP posts:
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