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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Irresponsible spouse wants to take young DCs on holiday when we split.

9 replies

Gotthatvibe · 01/10/2021 07:51

"D" P and I are planning our separation from each other and the topic of holidays came up last night and how we are going to navigate these when we split.

It's what I fear the most. He's neglectful, irresponsible and doesn't see hazards.

He leaves medication out, plug sockets on, wires everywhere, can't tell when DCs are ill, once refused to call an ambulance when DC collapsed extremely unwell and required treatment (she would have died otherwise), leaves the 3 year old unattended playing outside whilst on our last holiday and we almost lost her, lets them run about on carparks, drinks too much on holiday and would never hear anyone entering the accommodation.

I had to be very blunt with him and say that he isn't safe to take our kids on holiday. He is arguing the toss and is "extremely offended."

He says he plans to take them on holiday often to his parents' static caravan. There isn't room for his parents to stay there at the same time. I think he's genuinely unsafe. I told him I would take this to court if needs be and he says I have no evidence to prove he's unsafe. Luckily, I have a few therapists that I've been to over the years who would probably support my version of events.

What do I do? I'm genuinely considering staying here, trapped with him to protect DCs.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 01/10/2021 08:07

He leaves medication out, plug sockets on, wires everywhere, can't tell when DCs are ill, once refused to call an ambulance when DC collapsed extremely unwell and required treatment (she would have died otherwise)

None of these are solely “holiday” related. What’s the plan for unsupervised contact generally?

Gotthatvibe · 01/10/2021 08:12

I know.
He is moving in with his parents for the first 1-2 years, by which point, the DCs will be older so I'm hopeful will be at less risk.

Holidays are worse as he loses all sense of safety. I'm glad he will have his parents around for the first couple of years or so.

After that, I'm living in hope really.

We're looking at a 65/35 split roughly and only 2 overnights per week for him, but plenty of contact after school etc. Weekends will be one day each, because I don't want to alternate weekends giving him further opportunity to take them away anywhere.

Also, we will live on the same estate around 6 streets away which brings me some comfort.

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 01/10/2021 08:22

I can’t see a court buying why he is safe enough to have them in a 65/35 split but not safe enough to take them on a vacation in his time. I’m not disagreeing with you, just putting forward I see this as a hard sell to say the least. There would be nothing to say he can only have them under supervision of his parents, theoretically his parents could go away for 3 months on a holiday and he would have them at home by himself. His parents could go for a night out and he would be left alone with them. While I see what you are saying and are sympathetic, I see this as pushing shit uphill in a court situation.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/10/2021 08:29

Maybe he'll develop better safety sense when you aren't around to fill in the gaps. Maybe.

Gotthatvibe · 01/10/2021 08:29

😥

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 01/10/2021 08:36

I expect he’ll be too lazy to take them away by himself on holiday.

Are you sure he’s not saying it (‘I’ll go on holiday a lot’) to wind you up because he knows it’s a fear of yours…

Soontobe60 · 01/10/2021 08:38

What’s the therapist got to do with any of this? Presumably all they could do is write a report to tell the courts ‘my client has told me her ex is not safe with the children’. That’s meaningless.
How many times have they ended up inA+E under his supervision? I think that unless you have actual evidence of actual neglect you haven’t got a leg to stand on. And courts would most likely propose a 50/50 split as a starting point.

Whinge · 01/10/2021 08:43

@Soontobe60

What’s the therapist got to do with any of this? Presumably all they could do is write a report to tell the courts ‘my client has told me her ex is not safe with the children’. That’s meaningless. How many times have they ended up inA+E under his supervision? I think that unless you have actual evidence of actual neglect you haven’t got a leg to stand on. And courts would most likely propose a 50/50 split as a starting point.
Unfortunately I agree with this. The therapists won't be able to provide evidence. It's just a my client said this. There's no proof of what you claim. I'm sorry but nothing you have said would prevent him from having the children unsupervised, whether at home or away on holiday.
millymolls · 01/10/2021 08:57

I agree this isn’t a holiday issue
Either he’s not safe to have them in which case you need supervised access order only fir him - and need to be able to very clearly demonstrate with factual evidence why, or he is in which case he can take them on holiday

If you were not around being ‘the responsible one’ would he actually step up ?

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