Do I need some time off work?

[IIIIona]

I love my job, but it has caused me a lot stress over the last 2 weeks when it ordinarily wouldn't.

My marriage is breaking down and we are planning a divorce whilst currently living uner the same roof. My kids haven't been sleeping well as they've had heavy colds, my husband had covid last week and was in bed for 10 days straight which meant I was juggling everything: all bedtimes, night wakings, meals, shopping, kids activities, 70% of the school runs, whilst also caring for DH.

I've caught the kids' cold and I'm not coping with it. It's just a cold, but I feel so tired and run down. Work have taken on a huge new project which I'd usually revel in, but I feel completely and utterly overwhelmed and my stomach is churning when emails are coming through my inbox about it.

I'm drowning in the mental load at home at the moment as my kids have started new extra curricular activities so I've been filling in copious amounts of forms and all the communication with different people. I've joined a gym myself and have felt too overwhelmed and exhausted to go. I've spoken to DH who I'm still being civil with but he isn't interested and plods on in his own selfish bubble.

I rarely take time off work and last time DH moved out for a while, I worked all the way through it and juggled everything, but for some reason this time, I long for some time off. I can't take any holidays until the end of October/November.

I'm clearly not coping as I cried in the toilets at work yesterday when reems of emails kept coming through my inbox. This isn't like me at all.

But I'm also thinking that I may need time off later on when we're actually divorcing, selling the house and moving. That I should keep going for now.

What are your thoughts?

Absolutely yes, go to the go and get a sick note for stress, 2 weeks, it'll clear your schedule for you to decompress, you have to do it, do not put work first

You are sick with the cold, so why not take some time off with that at first to give yourself a breathing space. Then go to gp for a fit note if you need to extend it.

Yes I think having some time off through being ill would be the first thing to do. I just feel silly having time off for a cold, but it does make sense.

Has anyone else had to take time off work whilst going through the initial stages of separation/divorce? If so, at what point and how long did you take?

My boss offered me some time off but being at home was a much worse prospect.

Sounds like you do need some time off though, a heavy cold is a perfectly valid reason.

I'd be careful about getting a sick note for stress - that stays with you forever and you have to declare stress on mortgage applications, insurance applications etc.

Thank you for that advice @hollybollybooboo that's very useful to know. I guess I could always get a sicknote for the cold if it isn't clearing up. It's all in my head and my ears really hurt, so it isn't just that I'm a bit snotty.

Can you take 5 days off without even getting a sick note? Even that little time off might help you catch up on sleep and get you feeling physically a bit better?

Sorry I've gone into solution mode...I'm also very sorry you're going through this, it's utterly shit.

I don't work every day @hollybollybooboo so some days I'm at home with my toddler and my work days are annoyingly scattered between my days "off." I also still have to do school runs when I'm ill... there's no time off when I'm on a SAHM mum type of day at home. I've even considered pretending to be bed bound so that I can't be relied on at home either.

A doctor won't write stress on the note, they can simply put not fit to work. They won't lie but they also don't need to divulge anything.

I thought they had to put something in the diagnosis section? Either choose from drop down box or free type @marieantoinehairnet ?

I separated from my husband at the beginning of the year. Juggling work, schooling, solicitors and other things, it just got too much. My employers were amazing. I ended up taking 4 weeks off. Got myself back together and am probably more productive now because of it.

Well done @Strongerthanyouthink for taking that time out. I think, at some point, I'll too need a bit of time, but don't want to do so prematurely- there is so much ahead of me and I keep thinking surely, I can't be struggling already, he hasn't even moved out yet.

At what point did you take the time out? Had your ex left by that point?

Mine was quite complicated! The children and I actually left. The stress was huge, I just got to breaking point. I used the time to get a lot done with my solicitor and sleep! It must be so hard living in the same house, I know lots of couples have to, but just so hard.

@HollyBollyBooBoo

I thought they had to put something in the diagnosis section? Either choose from drop down box or free type *@marieantoinehairnet* ?

I've just had a delicate female issue/procedure and didn't want it declaring to all in HR, so my doctor free typed "rest and recuperation".

Any GP worth their salt will be sensitive to stuff like this.

I don't think Holly is right. I am off with stress and my sick note just states "unfit for work". Never seen a mortgage application to ask about stress? Being off with stress once in response to a stressful life situation isn't that different from being off with a chest infection. It isn't a chronic condition. Also what about not stigmatising mental health

@Jenjenn

I don't think Holly is right. I am off with stress and my sick note just states "unfit for work". Never seen a mortgage application to ask about stress? Being off with stress once in response to a stressful life situation isn't that different from being off with a chest infection. It isn't a chronic condition. Also what about not stigmatising mental health

Absolutely right!

You can self cert for 7 days before you need a fit note

You need some rest and no emails

I have been signed off with stress in the past. My GP wrote "stress-related problem" and our HR records have categories for type of sickness, so it's pretty clear on my record what was going on. However, I'm also ready to explain that my relatively short period off work was due to a fairly unique set of life events, and it's clear from the rest of my record that I don't make a habit of going on the sick. I guess I'm also lucky to be secure enough in my career that I can afford to swerve any future employer that might not want to listen to such explanations.

I had counselling for stress. I did declare it when getting insurance. It’s the second most common thing people get signed off with after a bad back. I told them it was due to work circumstances at the time (redundancy) and was able to get the insurance as it wasn’t a chronic mental health issue.

Must be just my mortgage and insurance applications then @Jenjenn! Couldn't agree more about it stigmatising mental health but I'm not making it up, it's genuinely a question asked!

Similarly I had a mortgage refused because they'd accidentally processed me as a 'Mr' and when they realised I was a female they rejected the application - pure sex discrimination but absolutely nothing I could do about it.

I’d just lie to take time off- sick uncle, whatever it takes to put yourself first and get some respite.

I'm separating and haven't had any time off yet, like you OP I keep thinking what if I need it later for packing/sorting all the belongings. It is relentless though. Fwiw I just did my mortgage application (approved -yay! The relief!!!) and nothing about my health was asked at all.

Good luck, you may be knackered but I promise you are strong.

I separated almost 4 years ago now after discovering my husband's affair and it was the most awful time of my life. I have no idea how I carried on working but I think I just went into auto-pilot.

We have only just started divorce proceedings and ii am actually finding this lart tougher if anything. It's me petitioning so I have all the emails/bills/etc, onl top of our 2 teenage kids 60% of the time and all their issues. I am very lucky to have a great boss but I honestly feel like the mental load at times is too much with my job on top.

My worry about taking time off though is that if I stop any plates spinning, I won't ever start them again.

If you are unell on top though, I would use it as an opportunity to rest for a while, mentally and physically.