Hi,
My Narcissitic Ex (NEx) has been threatening me to accept a lower amount of child maintenance for our children, as if not he cannot (allegedly) follow through on mediation agreements to buy me out of the matrimonial home.
He has gaslighted his way through mediation, sent emotionally blackmailing emails, threatened about the ‘stress and worry I must have right now’ (if I don’t agree to his proposals’), told me he is entitled to half of the child benefit and believe he is not legally required to pay any child maintence (he has the children 110 nights a year), questioned my mental health and said about the mental stress I will place on the children if ‘I don’t just move on’ and accept his proposal. He’s also indicated I have not justified what I spend on the children (because I don’t need to!) and has been misleading on his Form E used for mediation.
To give context, he earns £52K / year. Thinks he should pay £40 PCM maintenance, is prepared to pay £115, CSA says he should pay £420. I offered £350, this was refused.
I am not out for every penny I can get, I earn a good salary myself, however I do not feel I should be walked over or treated in such an unacceptable manner.
He has refused to attend any more mediation sessions ‘as he has been proven right before’. The mediator said at the end of the last session ‘there is evidence of power play here’ - I believe in relation to the NEx. Also evidenced by his refusal to pay his share of mediation costs for a week such that mediation notes wouldn’t be issued until the balance was paid.
My solicitor has given notice that unless he agrees to the mediation agreements to allow court orders to be drafted for the financials, I will proceed to Form A / court, and that I will make an application to the CMS service re maintenance, which I have done. If he wants to argue, he can argue with them.
Since then, he has entered in to the matrimonial home twice ‘to collect the children’. The children are 13 and 12. He has used his keys to enter the home, having previously knocked and not entered before he got really controlling. I believe this new approach is in direct retaliation to my not complying to his wants and to my solicitors recent letters.
The second time I was home when he did this, and I politely challenged home. His view is that it’s his house and so can enter when he wishes, however his manner was not pleasant and I felt very shaken.
I accept that legally he co-owns the house with me, and I know that legally I cannot change the locks without giving him a key. I would like to stay above board as keeping above board is the right thing to do, despite the behaviours I am experiencing.
I have spoken with Women’s Aid anonymously (ironically his Mum works for the local branch so I phoned a National helpline) who have said his behaviour is that of a domestic abuser / abusive perp. They suggested I investigate an Occupation Order. My solicitor has contacted his to say we find the behaviour not in line with agreements already made, and is an attempt to intimidate and that he will be put on notice of an Occupation Order.
Has anyone had any similar experiences or do you have suggestions? If in the house I will now put the keys in the locks so no one can unlock from the outside, but clearly I can’t do this when I am out. I know he can come in when I’m not there anyway (suspect he already has), however it’s the likely success of the Occupation Order that I am curious about.
Thank you everyone for making their way through this long post x