Hi everyone
I've been reading through lots of posts on here which have taken me back to two years ago when I finally separated with my ex for good, after years of back and forth and years of a rollercoaster relationship (I met him when I was 17, now 36) It has taken a huge toll on my mental health. We have 3 children and I ended up staying in the marital home until it was sold last year and I moved back with my mum whilst I found somewhere else to live. Unfortunately this was a mistake, we have never had a good relationship and it didn't work out, after a particularly difficult day I called my ex and he offered for me to stay there temporarily .. I thought this would be ok as things were then amicable and I could just stay in my daughters room, which I did . Anyway, long story short, this has muddied the water and I ended up staying for 3 months, which in some ways helped while homeschooling kids during lockdown. I have now lived in my own house for 6 months and feel very confused. We still see a lot of each other, message a lot, all amicable which is great, kids seem happy. But I know how hard it was to get out of that relationship that made me feel very lonely and was extremely toxic, it really was a horrible time. I feel now after time apart, he is a good man and there isn't much I could fault, people comment on what a nice guy he is and how likeable. However I have alarm bells at the thought of living together again or losing my independence and flashbacks to some of the terrible fights and breakdowns I used to have. I feel very confused and low. I guess what I'm asking is... can you move on from a turbulent past and try again, has anyone experience of this? I also don't want to waste any more of either of our lives, rolling along in this set up. I think writing this has been very cathartic and has maybe told me the answers I was looking for.