Husband wants to leave me

[LastExitPoppy88]

Returning user different username. H has asked for a divorce, sprung from nowhere a few weeks ago. We have a DD who is 4 years old and we own a house and some land although the mortgage is in my name only because of his bad credit historically.
I am also the main breadwinner as H is a part house-husband looking after our DD and she idolises him.
H has several debts to his name and so do I, some of which are joint and some of which are in our own names.
H can’t afford to move out unless we either sell up or I buy him out.
I’ve started to make some enquiries with solicitors and the bank to see how I can move forward with this but my instincts are telling me that I shouldn’t be doing any of this stuff because he’s the one pushing to leave.
Should I just let him start looking to do all these things or could that leave me a bit exposed? Is it best that I deal with it all so that I can get everything dealt with without putting extra strain on our finances?
I don’t want to leave him high and dry if he wants to leave but I don’t see why I should be the one putting the work in either.
Any other ladies on here got any advice on what to do in this situation?

You have to accept that he wants a divorce. You can’t force him to change his mind by stalling and even if he did it wouldn’t be the happy relationship you really want. So put in the work that will help get the outcome you want now. Would you prefer to buy him out? Find out if it’s feasible. Would you prefer to sell up, split the equity and move on? Organize to get the house valued and start looking at where exactly you would like to move to. Do you want 50:50 shared care? Start looking at childcare options for your time and think about a proposal that would suit you and the kids. Only do the work that helps create a plan you like the look of. If it’s not what he wants he can do the legwork to make a different proposition.

Absolutely seek professional advice. You may not want the divorce (and if so, I'm sorry, it must be so hard) But don't let resentment and sadness stop you from being proactive even though he's the one leaving you.
You need to be absolutely informed about your rights and options. If you don't know these, he could tell you anything and you'd be none the wiser.
You especially need to know to know how the debt situation can be managed in your best interests.
If he's set on leaving the marriage, he's not your friend, so don't trust him to do right by you.
Get informed and protect your own interests. Good luck

If he's going to be the one providing more of the care of the child going forward, then you are at risk of him gaining >50% of the assets. After all, the situation of the children is taken as paramount. Is you ex planning to move out, move out alone, move out with child ... or expecting you to move out???

Is your DD at school yet?

I guess I would be looking at childcare in preparation for the split and him needing a job. Assuming you would like 50:50 carr then you need to enable this being able to happen. It also affects the finances.

Realistically you both need a 2 bed place and DD deserves a home with both of you.

Thank you all for your advice. I’m having days where it feels like the stress is everywhere b4 Im gunna get to the point where things start to feel normal. We’re looking at 50:50 care which will be brilliant for our DD and I don’t want her to feel any of the stress of the situation. I will be looking for some legal advice this week.

I'm sorry this has hit you, you will get through it no matter how floored you feel at the moment. If you're married all assets and debts are technically joint. If you can, I would get the house and land valued and appoint a solicitor as a first step. You'll both need to be adequately housed in order to share care of your child, and there are various ways to achieve that depending on assets remaining after the debt is dealt with and your individual borrowing/earning capacity. You'll get through it, and you'll all be ok, as @Weatherwax13 he's not your friend right now although you may be able to coparent amicably in future. You need to have your and your DDs best interest at heart now. He will definitely look after himself.