Help Needed

[Sadguy]

Hi, I'd really love some advice or thoughts on the situation I'm currently in. I've been with my GF for 22 years and we have 4 children. I have felt generally unhappy with my life for a couple of years now, with no signs of these feelings changing or improving. We have had a rocky few years & we are due to get married early in 2022, but I only agreed to this out of fear, panic and guilt. I suffer with bad anxiety and have had bouts of depression also. I love my GF but not how I should, infact I have low self esteem and don't even love myself. I feel the only way to help myself, is by being alone. I don't want to hurt her or my children & I'm completely torn but I don't want to get married.

So my options are to either get married and feel unhappy. Or am I being selfish by walking around and hurting everyone.

And how do I even initiate this talk? It's getting me so down 😔

Oh Sadguy, please don’t get married if you are this unhappy about the idea!!
I married someone I was miserable with because I was too scared to admit that it wasn’t that I wanted, and it was the biggest mistake of my life!
The two of you need to sit down and have an honest conversation. I know it isn’t easy, but I promise you that being married when you don’t want to be isn’t any fun either! Maybe talking things through with a relationship counsellor (either as a couple or by yourself, depending on what you’re most comfortable with right now) would help?

Have you tried to talk to your gf about how you are feeling?

No, I haven't talked to her as I know the talk would hurt her and probably end the relationship. And I guess even though I want that, I'm just too worried. But right now, I can't eat, sleep and am really struggling😔