Divorce Advice!

[Separationadvice]

Following days of the silent treatment from my husband (following some small talk) after a recent disagreement and months of him spending his evenings separate from me, he has told me he wants a divorce. He has been laughing and joking with his friend on the phone tonight, he is an emotionally shut off man, so this isn’t a surprise. I realise now that he had checked out of our marriage months ago.
I am currently unemployed until
I get another job and we have a mortgage and children.
How do I navigate my way through this, from here?

You take a very deep breath and do some things quickly and some slowly.

He may want a divorce but what is his plan? You don't have to agree with any of it but you have a window of time when he is being cooperative. Set up a bank account in your name if you don't have one. Get your hands on financial info such as his salary slips, pensions, household bills, savings. He will stop playing nice when financial settlements are made so get the info whilst you can. Check out what benefits you might be entitled to. What are your options for housing? Ask around for good family lawyers. Is there someone else? He is going to swear there isn't but there almost always is.

He may have made the decision to divorce but it is a long slog, costs money and everyone gets hurt. He is feeling good now because he has finally let you into his plans. For him it is done. You are playing catch up. Gather your information, get your circle of support around you and remember he is not your friend anymore.

Will you sell the house? Is there much equity? Will he buy you out? Will you buy him out? I presume you are on the deeds to the property & mortgage agreement is in both your names?
Do you have children together?
You need to think with your head. Put aside the hurt for now. Time to be a bad ass b***

Ah yes can see the kids. Work out maintenance payments.

Due to currently being unemployed, I won’t be able to take on the mortgage, or buy him out, so I think the only solution is to sell the house.
As far as I know, there is no one else on the scene. I don’t know whether it will remain amicable but we have to for the children, I’ve seen him in a different light now, I knew he wasn’t an emotional person but laughing and joking with your friend after telling your wife after 16 years you want a divorce, is another thing, followed by being completely cold towards me.

What @mostlydrinkstea said.

It’s like eating an elephant. It isn’t all going to happen in one go, tomorrow, but one chunk at a time. Make looking for work your priority. If he’s instigating the divorce then he can do all the applications and filing associated with it, that’s not something you need to think about. The house doesn’t have to be sold until some way down the line. You don’t have to worry about how pensions are going to split. Just focus on you and the immediate things you need to do to be in the best position.

I wouldn’t read anything in particular into the laughing and joking with friends. The reality is he checked out long ago. For you, the break up is new. For him, it isn’t. When I told my ex-DP that I was leaving, I’d already successfully obtained a new job several hundred miles away, arranged the rental I was going to move into, and told my parents and a couple of my closest friends. That meant that I probably came across in the way your STBHX is. It wasn’t that I was switching from something very grim to something very light in the space of minutes, simply that I’d essentially already left emotionally months previous.

Firstly I’m so sorry you are going through this, been there got the t-shirt, and yes, it’s scary AF, but you will be ok. @mostlydrinkstea has given you sound advice, get copies of EVERYTHING, take photos on your phone if necessary, gather your friends, if you can run to seeing a solicitor do so immediately, but take a trusted friend for the notes/remembering.
Im sorry but there will undoubtedly be someone else, my ex swore blind there wasn’t, there absolutely was. It is unfortunately standard behaviour. Do not trust a thing he says, I'm sorry if that sounds cruel, but it’s done to save you heartache further on. Start looking for a job, whatever works for you, if will look better at mediation/court. Keep yourself informed of your legal rights, around children/access/home etc. Life will get so much better after the shitstorm, sending you lots of love x

Hi my consent order has been granted and my ex has to sign over the house to me within 58 days to do this there are legal costs involved in the order the judge has wrote no order of costs does this mean that he has to pay the legal costs ? as he has to do this as stated in the order.