Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Flip

Original poster

Questions for solicitor

10 replies

Sweetie1980 · 20/09/2021 13:31

Hi , I have finally got my appointment with the solicitor tomorrow. We are at the petition stage ( I did this via gov net ) but I will need help with finances and children . DH is very verbally abusive and when I discuss the children contact all I get is I him saying he will see me in court ! He is demanding 50/50 contact , I have been the primary carer. He has now reduced his work load as I think he thinks he will get a better outcome financially. How can I use my hour with solicitor wisely ? I am trying to prepare questions , she is very expensive so I need to get the most out of this hour . Thank you

OP posts:

comfortablyfrumpy · 20/09/2021 13:52

When you say "help with finances and children" - how much help are you lookingf or? Are you planning to do most of the work or some of it yourself?

Maybe if you have a sheet prepared with finances as you know it - his and yours.
Timeline of what's happened so far.
What are you looking to find out at this stage - are you looking for an idea of what might be a fair settlement?

Are you looking to have a solicitor issue financial proceedings (form A) or would you do it yourself and you want pointers from her in what to do?
(Have you been to mediation yet, when you issue form A I think you need to have sign-off from a mediator to say you tried and failed/it's not going to work).
Children - again if you write down your relative circumstances, hours of work etc. so you have it all to hand.

I hope that might help as a starting point?

I used a PAYG solicitor so started in a similar fashion, for each meeting I've had a note of facts, and a list of questions I need answering, and that's meant I have used the time with solicitor effectively.

Good luck :)

Original poster

Sweetie1980 · 20/09/2021 14:17

Thank you - well I think I will need a solicitor as he won't be reasonable. Can a solicitor help negotiate financial settlement and children? I can't talk to him without him saying he will see me in court.

OP posts:

comfortablyfrumpy · 20/09/2021 14:22

@Sweetie1980

Hi,

Yes they can, it'll cost more but that could well be worth it. I'd find out how they offer their services, charging structure etc and how much they think it will cost to get to each point.
Has he got a solicitor?
Basically (and I'm not a solicitor), if you issue financial proceedings then you each will have to submit forms showing your assets, debts, earnings etc. Then you can negotiate. If you can't agree then you'll go through court hearings.

Have you been to mediation at all? You will have had to have a sign-off from a mediator. Some solicitors do also offer mediation, so ask.
Even if you think mediation won't work, you'll need an appoint to get the sign-off to say it' won't work/has broken down (as far as I'm aware). I had to submit a letter from our mediator with my Form A to show that mediation had been attempted/didn't work.

comfortablyfrumpy · 20/09/2021 14:25

also to say... if you can avoid going through court then it will cost less in legal fees so if you can achieve that it would be helpful.

But if he's not cooperative it might not be possible. Mine has stalled and been obstructive throughout so we had to go the court route.

Original poster

Sweetie1980 · 20/09/2021 21:02

Thank you, I appreciate all your help and advice. No we haven't tried mediation yet. I have no idea about his finances as he never tells me anything!

OP posts:

comfortablyfrumpy · 21/09/2021 09:31

See what your solicitor says - but as far as I understand it, if you do issue court proceedings for finance you need to show you have attempted mediation. It might be best to get something booked in now as you might have to wait? If he refuses mediation I think you can get a certificate to show that... I'd ask your solicitor what to do about this.

First up, I think you need to just have an initial plan that will allow you to work out best arrangement for the children, and to find out about finances. You won't be able to negotiate if you don't know what you are negotiating. Let your solicitor guide you about first steps?

Good luck for the appointment today.

Original poster

Sweetie1980 · 21/09/2021 09:49

Thank you for your help. Yes, I was going to suggest we negotiate the children arrangements first as this is the most important thing. I was going to be suggest we share weekends and he has one evening in the week or of he refuses another afternoon during week. He has always said be does not have any time during week ( even when I tried to work two afternoons )but now has all the time in the world apparently.. I think he does it effects settlement if he.says 50/50

OP posts:

comfortablyfrumpy · 22/09/2021 09:52

How did it go yesterday, @Sweetie1980?

Original poster

Sweetie1980 · 23/09/2021 14:30

Hi, sorry for the delay, feel so stressed with everything! The solicitor seems really good, she agreed that 50/50 contact wouldn't work in out situation, she is going to try and negotiate the contact once the following finances have been agreed. Thanks for asking !

OP posts:

comfortablyfrumpy · 23/09/2021 15:24

No need to apologise!

It sounds as if you have a way forward. Good luck with everything. It's daunting as hell at first, but you just have to take it one bit at a time.

Flip