Regretting Separating - Is this Normal?

[Mummykins54]

Posted before - been together 27 years - 23 years married. Things have been ropey for a long time - lived in same house for 9 months and husband refused to speak to me at all.

He moved out 2 months ago and I am really struggling wondering if I have made the right decision. I have a 17 and 20 year old who seem to be closer to him than they have ever been - they stay with him a couple of nights every week. My DS keeps asking why I haven't got over it yet as I have had "9 months to come to terms with it." The innocence of youth!

Husband was very moody and could be verbally abusive - I think I have trauma bonding but I actually miss him which I know is bonkers.

I am actually regretting my decision as the stress caused by this process is worse than the stress of living with him. I feel lonely and empty - had to get an anti depressant to see me through. Should I have just stayed for security - mortgage almost paid off and kids are practically adults.

Is it normal to feel like this? TIA

I think, this is normal. It will subside as time goes on. Especially as you had to live together for some time after seperating.

It will get better as time goes on. See the kids being closer to their dad as a bonus, they have a better relationship now, which is good for everyone x

Yep. Completely normal and reasonable. You’re not just letting go of the person but all the hopes that goes with that. See the process in the same way that grief operates. Times when there is acceptance. Times of regret and anger.

I’ve been feeling exactly the same, house has just been sold and I’ve bought a small house with kids, he’s been here every day doing jobs and getting us settled. I’ve felt awful for the past week and like you I’m now on an anti depressant mainly for the anxiety

@millymoo1202

I’ve been feeling exactly the same, house has just been sold and I’ve bought a small house with kids, he’s been here every day doing jobs and getting us settled. I’ve felt awful for the past week and like you I’m now on an anti depressant mainly for the anxiety

@millymoo1202 - how are you feeling now? I am still really struggling wondering what I have done. DD was 18 during the week and he took her to his house to see his family - I felt so left out - I just feel bereft.

If it's any consolation I have had abit of a wobble this week. Married 15 years, separated 8 months and living in different houses. I absolutely know it's the right decision, but a complete roller coaster of emotions. But I mourn what I wished we had, not the reality of what we had. I think it's really normal to feel left out, especially if they are doing lovely family things together, but I bet there are lots of great things you do as a family and you don't even realise it x

I think it’s the mourning what you should have had. You need to remember why you split, write it down if you need to. Then go out and find things to do.

@Mummykins54, thanks for asking, feeling a bit better emotionally, drugs have started working but it’s been a hard few weeks! Definitely mourning what we should have but I guess I just need to keep going. Feel awful for the kids being ripped from their lovely home but I’m trying to keep positive but just don’t have oomph to get things done as he was really good at diy etc. Hope you are ok too?