Can I issue a divorce petition before my DH gets there first?

[winniemum]

Just had a letter from DHs solicitor to say he’s divorcing me. His solicitors are preparing a draft petition apparently.
I was going to instruct my solicitor to do the same tomorrow.
Can I still ask my solicitor to do this?
He’s a narc and he’s divorcing me for unreasonable behaviour. Just don’t want that on record
Thanks kind mumsnetters x

Not sure if you can or not which I know is the question you are asking. But I honestly wouldn’t waste the mental energy.

No one but you and the courts will see the reasons. Do whatever is needed to get you he divorce through quickly (within reason obviously) get what you and entitled to, but I wouldn’t fight on any battles that weren’t worth fighting it will likely fuel his fire and give him more reason to ‘show you you were wrong’ hell probably be more peeved if you just let him crack on with it!

Thanks Blendful. You’re right about fuelling his fire! That just about sums up the whole process.

I’d let him do it as the court fee alone is £550 for the petitioner. Though if you don’t agree with the grounds for unreasonable behaviour when you get the petition from the court just make sure you tell the court you don’t agree with what he’s written.. even if you still want his petition to proceed.

Oh I didn’t realise I could disagree. I’ll do that as I’m sure he’ll make it all up!

You can file immediately online and indicate you are looking to recoup half the court fees. I was really glad I did this as it meant I was driving the process, knew what was happening etc. This part is honestly really straightforward and you can proceed to Nisi pretty quickly really. The comms are all sent via email to you and the other party. My ex hated that I was in control of this at least. Whereas someone told me recently that their ex was the applicant and he pushed everything through to the Absolute without a consent order being in place. The financial remedy is a whole other issue unfortunately...

Good luck!

It really doesn't matter. The grounds for divorce make no difference to any sort of settlement unless there is DV.
If you want to be divorced. Let him crack on. More costs to him.
Mine stated unreasonable behaviour as a counter to my adultery claim...
If you want rid, its a tick box, not anything that is mentioned later on in the process.
Save your money for fighting for your future.
I know it may sound harsh. But you need to remove the emotion (very very hard) and become business like.
What do you need from the split?
Housing, income, child support?
What makes your future better?
Good luck.

The problem is currently with the law is that unless you wait years, which you won't want to with a narc, someone has to be labelled as at fault for it to proceed.

I got that label and it was a VERY bitter pill to swallow. I'd agree to the petition proceeding even if its crap (it will be and reading about your flaws and the lies written by a bullish solicitor is vile) and then when the form comes through following that from court you can state your position. I did a little back and forth over the contents of the position but in hindsight it wasn't worth it as it goes no further. Also every letter costs money.

I waited far too long to get a solicitor as i was terrified of costs. But when the first offer came through. It was clear it was a way to punish me. And i need a grown up to help me negotiate up to 50% and take that out of my hands. With a narc i'd accept now that to get a fair deal you will need one.

So if you engage one now-you only pay for the work you ask them to do. So id show them the petition explain you want speed and its packed full of lies but is there anything in it you should be concerned about. You get peace of mind. You cant out a price on that.

Thanks everyone. Another thing that made me wonder if it would be better for me to be the petitioner is that my solicitor said I’d be able to claim costs from him! I know he’s planning to hide money from me as he’s already telling me how much he’s got and it’s way less than what’s in his bank account.
I don’t want to keep asking my solicitor questions as I realise every time I do it costs me a load of money.
This is so tough and I feel I’ve hardly started the process.

You'd be able to claim the divorce cost I.e a share of the £550 rather than your solicitor costs in total. Unreasonable behaviour I would guess is the most common reason nowadays so it's not really any slur on either party just there to give the court reasons why you don't wish to be together

If he's hiding money, aim to get to financial disclosure (Form E) ASAP - that gives you 12months of recorded paperwork. You can try to do this via mediation. It's worth a go, but in all honesty if he is likely to be difficult and drag it out, I would crack on, get a MIAM and file Form A for financial remedy proceedings. Also - do not give him your solicitor details - it's easy for them to rack up your legal bill through pointless, irrelevant correspondence. If you act as the go between you can filter out anything that doesn't move you forwards. I speak from bitter experience!