How does using a mediator work?

[guildingthelily]

I'm recently separated from my husband and to cut a long story short he has told me that he wants to see the children every other weekend. So not much really considering he lives 20 mins away. I would like us to come to an agreement financially about how much money he contributes each month. My calculations come to 300 pounds each a month. I know he will not be happy with this so I am thinking of using a mediator. How does this work? The kids are aged 9 and 10 by the way.

Are these calculations using the CMS calculator? Why does he not want to contribute?

No, not using the cms calculator just my own calculations adding it all up and diving by 2. He never offers any money for the kids so I just know he will not agree. Even though given the amount of time he wants to spend with them, he will be spending no where near what I do on them.

Job wise we are both currently in between teaching jobs due to relocating back to the UK, but we could potentially be on equal pay doing supply work.

I’d put a claim in through CMS. then they can get the money from him if you think he’s unlikely to pay voluntarily

Just go through CMS. They'll take the money automatically and do all the calculations for you. I'm not sure how it works with supply work but I'm sure someone can advise here

Thank you. I have a feeling if I talk about getting agencies involved he might just pay up to avoid the hassle. But at the same time, if I do get an agency involved at least I'm hoping he will actually pay up each month. At the moment he is punishing me for leaving him and telling everyone the truth about him being an abusive alcoholic.

Just go through CMS. It’s hardly a generous calculation.

I'd use the CMS calculator. As above, it's not generous but it's standard.

I've tried to explain to my STBEX that it doesn't really cover everything and it doesn't mean kids and I are living in the lap of luxury, but he doesn't agree. However, it does mean he can't insist on paying less than the amount the CMS calculator shows, so it's something.

^^ and as above also, if he won't pay up then go through CMS itself. He will have to comply then.

It can be problematic though if they are self-employed as it's easier to hide earnings and pretend to be earning much less than they are. .. I know someone whose ex is earning probably in the region of £30-40k but is currently getting away with paying less than £80 a month for 2 kids!

My mediator was hopeless , had no idea & allowed my ex to bully & threaten me . Horrid experience.

You may get considerably less than £300 per child per month if you go through CMS. Their calculation is pretty stingy and depends on what he earns, not what the actual costs are. There's an online calculator you can use if you know his salary.

How does this compare to your figure? If yours is way above you might want to try a mediator first

Well bizarrely my husband paid up 300 pounds without any questions. Next step is to see if he can spend more than 4 days a month with them.

Still suggest you use the calculator to at least see what the figure ‘should be’
Do you know what he earns?

Not sure why people keep suggesting CMS when it appears neither of you is working nor would have any HMRC history in recent years if you've both just returned and don't currently work. For the future when you work it makes sense but in the short term some amicable agreement to cover immediate costs seems appropriate if there are no incomes to claim from so to speak

@wobytide

Not sure why people keep suggesting CMS when it appears neither of you is working nor would have any HMRC history in recent years if you've both just returned and don't currently work. For the future when you work it makes sense but in the short term some amicable agreement to cover immediate costs seems appropriate if there are no incomes to claim from so to speak

I missed the post that they were in between jobs.

CMS calculator still useful in working out what would seem reasonable on a given salary.