Just approved divorce application from solicitor. Feeling a bit sad.

[Sunshineandflipflops]

Hi

Long story short, my ex husband and I separated almost 4 years ago following an affair on his part. Married 13 years, together pretty much 25 years, from teenagers. Two children.

We agreed to wait the 2 years to divorce as no fault for the sake of our children and because I couldn't face it any earlier than that. Then Covid hit and we all just went into survival mode, hence just getting divorced now.

Anyway, I brought it up in the end as the marriage is definitely over and we have to do it sometime, but he agreed.

I have just had the draft divorce application through from my solicitor to approve and have shed a tear seeing it in black and white. We are both in new relationships and are now pretty amicable but I still feel very sad that our marriage didn't work out. Sad for me and sad for our children. I can't really talk to my partner of two years about it much as his divorce was acrimonious so I don't really think he understands and I don't want him to think I still want to be with my ex. Hence offloading here I guess.

I certainly don't feel like celebrating my divorce as some seem to so (and have the right to do - I know we are all different).

Does/has anyone else felt immensely sad about their divorce even though they started the process and know it's the right thing?

You are not being unreasonable at all to feel that way.

I always try to flip it the other way - you had a success marriage in that you were presumably happy for a decent chunk of time, you built a life together in your 20s, supported and loved one another during that and whilst having children. There will have been many, many successful days over the years where you were in the right place at the right time with the right person. Your marriage has made you who are today and that in itself can be celebrated. Just because something ends doesn't mean it has failed.

Sorry if that's all cheesy as hell but I find it an easier way to process the conclusion of a relationship than talking about failure.

PS it's very, very shitty that he cheated. What a horrible way for things to end.

Thanks @CrasterKipper. I am generally a very optimistic person and do try and focus on the positives, like you say. Our marriage was very happy for most of our time together, which is why it makes me so sad I guess. It wasn't a relationship I was glad to see the back of. Would have made all of this easier if it was!

Nothing that helped create our children could ever be a failure, I know that. I just feel like I'm joining a club I never wanted to be part of but then no-one really does, do they?

I divorced 17 years ago after 25 years of marriage - it was 'amicable' and I'm happier.

Every now and then when sorting out the fan-file and chucking out old paperwork I come across the divorce document - says something like, the said marriage is dissolved.

After all this time it still makes me a little sad seeing this piece of paper.