Do the upsides outweigh the disadvantages?

[libertyfarmboots]

I’m mainly thinking of the nights when my little girl will be with her dad. I absolutely know in my gut that separating is the right thing but I feel paralysed whenever I think of those nights and how she might be impacted. She’s only 6 and so invested in ‘family’, and although we’re going to approach it as still being a family unit and emphasising any positives we can, and also taking our time about the move to two households, I worry about for example if she wakes in the night and I’m not there because it’s me she calls for. It really weakens my resolve. Are there really any ‘upsides’ that can make up for that? Does it get easier as they get older (and god time is flying)? Or is it just something you have to live with and it never really resolves as being a negative?

I love my DH very much but I sometimes fantasise about divorce because it would be amazing to have regular time away from my kids! Is there not stuff you would like to do or friends you would like to see more?

Well yes but not in in the middle of the night!

I am feeling the same . I have always got up with the children and put them to bed , my little girl is 6 too. I have just been cuddling her as she was shouting out for me after a bad dream ..I feel so sad that I won’t see them every night and angry that my DH has been so awful that I had no choice .. I feel like I was miserable before but I won’t be much happier after divorce . He is demanding 50/50 too

@Anxious1975 have you actually split up? Your post resonated with me. We're on 50/50 split, it's been one year now and I hate it. It isn't working for the children either but he won't entertain changing it

As you said, I was unhappy before but I'm even more unhappy now

@tripletsohgod we have been split up a long time but still in the same house , petition has been submitted . I can’t sleep at all at the moment thinking of the impact of the children , I think they would be unhappy with a 50/50 split . How are you splitting your time now ?Is there anyway he would consider a 60/4O ? I am seeing a solicitor next week. He is so verbally abusive the kids have got use to it but my ten year old has recently started speaking to his sister in the same way when they fall out, he is a lovely boy but is learning off his dad so I have no alternative but to divorce . I am getting quite depressed about not seeing the kids every
day , my whole world revolves around them and he just does as he pleases .

I can’t imagine how it’s going to feel, it must be gut churning and so much more distressing when you have to let your kids go with an abusive father.. I’m fortunate in that this is an amicable separation and once I’ve moved out both of us would be happy to let the other come round when it’s not our night but it won’t be the same, it can never be the same. And I worry that things could also change in the longer term if he meets someone and any friendly parenting relationship we maintain could be affected.

One of the things that kept me in a bad marriage for so long was this. I wanted to be the last person to say goodnight to my children and the first person to say good morning. I knew that was going to change.