If u separated but stayed sharing family home?

[L0stinCyberspace]

I need to hear how u organised your lives after "separation" from those of you who remained sharing the family home with children?

What did you stop doing as a family?
What did you start doing?

I'm trying to work out what happens to shopping, cooking, family mealtimes, occasional days out with DS, etc. Thanks.

Hello, I dont really have any advice but I'll be interested to see ideas. Is you ex reasonable? I would love to take this option but I fear that my dh will not allow it due to his behaviour.

I did it for 6 years; it was VERY difficult and not something I'd recommend.
I stopped doing his laundry, making his meals and cleaning his room. I distanced myself from my in-laws too. I tried to be reasonable and sensible but he couldn't be.

He soon got a girlfriend, refused to help with childcare, wouldn't say when he'd be home etc, so planning my own life was impossible. He held off moving out and agreeing any divorce terms to avoid paying child maintenance. As soon as my children left education he then agreed to divorce.
My children now have little to do with him as they saw the way he treated me (and them).

I won't lie, the whole situation totally broke me and 5 years on I've still not fully recovered, though we are now divorced.
It was an horrific period of my life and given the chance again, I would have fully split and lived in a 1 bed flat with my kids if I had to.

However reasonable you think you can be, you need your life back and to be able to move on. You can't do that whilst under the same roof.
I hope you find a solution.

I can’t really offer advice but my best friend is still sharing a house with his ex (4 years ‘separated’) even though they have adult kids who have moved out. They have a lovely house which neither of them want to lose.

Tbh they still do quite a lot together, including some holidays, as they are still good friends and would honestly often still seem like a couple. But they both date other people and sleep in separate rooms and also go on days out alone or eat alone etc too.

I think it really depends how amicable the split is and how well you get on. My mate and his wife just fell out of love. They had no sex life & although they still care for eachother a lot just felt more like friends/flat mates than husband and wife so decided to be separate. They also have 2 living rooms in their house so can have completely their own space if they want to.

If the split is less amicable or if you are constantly under eachothers feet it probably wouldn’t work as well.

@fairytwinkletastic my DH isn't ex yet...I have tried asking him to address the issues but no resolution. A few weeks ago I told him we'd both probably be happier with other people but he's still in denial. He is a reasonable, kind man but no sex for years, because I think I'm too strong for him. He is weak. 😞

@demolitionduo that sounds awful for you and I'm sorry to hear u went through this. Do u think now u can slowly rebuild yourself?

@Nosquit your friend's situation sounds very similar to mine. No sex, more friends/housemates, no animosity.

@L0stinCyberspace I'm getting there slowly. Unfortunately the stress of those years exacerbated a health issue which has caused more upheaval but I plod on. Just knowing I'm living for ME and my life spurs me on.

i am still at home with h. He wont talk to me as he thinks he can avoid the issue. I am trying to progress but it may be a year before i am able to remove him / leave.

I’m at home with stbxh. He’s bought me out but I haven’t found anywhere to buy yet.
I think it really depends on why you’re separating, if there’s any resentment and how you split things currently.
We are amicable and aside from not sharing a room/being a couple most practical things have remained the same. But then we share things like childcare and are having shared care of the kids in the long term. I am trying to step back and do less mental load stuff and household management so he has to start learning. I’m also trying to be more self sufficient and do diy stuff etc by myself

@Levithecat have u gone on any dates yet? Or has he?

@fairytwinkletastic that sounds very oppressive.

No @L0stinCyberspace - I’m pretty motivated but need to buy (rentals are too expensive here)