Help with being alone please

[beingsunny]

My DP and I are separating, it's been a long while coming and I'm heartbroken even though it's my decision.

Six years together, he's been living with me and my DS for five.

We are in lockdown, can't see people, I'm working full time and homeschooling.

Can anyone give me some ideas of what I can do to fill the loneliness?

At the moment and for a while now I basically finish work and sit on our balcony alone drinking and smoking. I'm 80% through my quit smoking book and tomorrow will be the day I quit.

My exh and I have 50/50 parenting so although when he's here I'm busy with him the rest of the time I don't know what to do with myself. Thanks be fallen into a sad and miserable hole and need to get out.

Can anyone help me?

I find the alone times hard too (also coparenting). I try to throw myself into my hobbies and positive things like getting the house looking nice. I go for (very short!) runs too. And have got some books out of the library about coping with divorce. ‘Get divorced be happy’ is a new one out by Helen from the Scummy Mummies comedy act.

I went through this during UK lockdown last year. I try to save up jobs for when I'm alone, even boring ones and find a good to-do list gets me through as I have some focus. Hobbies have really helped too. As has redecorating (literally painting a wall a different colour etc) and re-accessorising my home so it feels different has really helped. It does get better x

Book yourself activities you benefit from. Swimming/ gym/ something creative eg.
I bought myself art stuff to do at home & I read a lot more now. Earbuds to listen to audio books too.
Link up with other singles- either through mutual friends or try some online groups (such as meet up).

Sorry just read youre in lockdown.

Agree with re-decorating, gardening, online workouts & classes. Walking in nature.

But also do the grieving and the thinking. You're right at the point of splitting. Of COURSE its going to be sad. Grieve it xxx

And I think time will change your feelings. Let them out as they are to help them pass away and new ones to come through.

By do the thinking, I mean remember why you're doing this, remember what annoyed you or just wasn't right. And turn your attention forwards, to what youd like to create with this life you've been given.

But right now it's ok to grieve and be sad, out of respect for what was.

Thanks you for all your replies, my sons at his dads all weekend and I feel like I've completely fallen apart today. I ended up calling a friend and she dragged me out for a walk at the beach. I knew I would feel better but couldn't muster and do it myself.

He won't leave yet, so I can't start to move forward, I just feel trapped in this limbo of sadness.

I’m afraid I don’t have much to offer in terms of help as I’m in the same position OP.

I’m sat here now thinking that I won’t see kids till Monday afternoon and I’m just devastated. I want their little cuddles, strops, chats - all of it.

I know they need both parents but it’s so so lonely and no amount of hobbies makes it better

I just feel trapped in this limbo of sadness

This is a very eloquent expression of what many of us have gone through! Try writing - diary, thoughts, stuff that clutters your mind...

Exercise is always a good start of the day and helps to blow the night's mental detritus away. Try Lucy Wyndham Read, Rebecca Louise, Growingannanas.

Audio books, Radio 4, creating art...

And not drinking. The latter is really important as alcohol is a depressant and makes you sluggish. Try Annie Grace!

And Meetups to get you out of the house. I've met some of my best friends via Meetup and did some really interesting stuff along the way.

And remember, this too shall pass. It always does.