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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can my partner make me travel every weekend to hand kids over if he moves away?

30 replies

Joanne2015 · 10/09/2021 05:57

I’m in the midst of separating from my partner. He has openly stated he may move back to England. If that happens, he thinks he will see the children every weekend which obviously isn’t really practical. That would mean I have no weekends with the children and only during the week, which is hard due to work and school..so I feel I won’t get any “free time” with them. Also his mum stated I’d need to meet him half way to every Friday and Sunday to hand over, again this isn’t practical in finishes or time every weekend for the next 14 years or so. Anyone else has to do this? I wasn’t going to go to courts over custody as I was sure we could work out 50/50, as I wanted him to still have a relationship with them but he thinks he’ll live away now.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 10/09/2021 05:58

Rubbish. You might need to go through the courts if he is starting out like this, backed by his mum!

Tlollj · 10/09/2021 05:59

Where do you live now?
I can’t see a court making you drive to him every weekend if he moves to a different country. His mum can mind her own.

jelly79 · 10/09/2021 06:02

I don't have any of the legal advice but I would be really assertive and consistent about what is right for the children.

I'd also spell out what his options are if he is local compared to if he moves away and I maybe agree to EOW but he has to collect and pick up. His moving is his choice

Original poster
Joanne2015 · 10/09/2021 06:14

We live in Scotland so basically he thinks he’s going to see them every weekend if he moves bk to England. His mum thinks we will need to meet each other half way if that happens. I’m honestly not trying to stop him seeing the children but can’t see how that is reasonable in money for me or him and it sucks that the kids will be handed over in a service station car park every Friday night and Sunday. I don’t want out weekends to like that. Would a court grant it? Should I take this to court?

OP posts:
Tlollj · 10/09/2021 06:22

How many miles are we talking.
Again I’d be surprised if a court agreed with him. When would you see them?

Mybalconyiscracking · 10/09/2021 06:25

Also, poor kids spending hours in the car after school on a Friday and on a Sunday afternoon/ evening.

TeddyBeans · 10/09/2021 06:30

If he chooses to move away the onus is on him to do the transport I believe. It would also not be unreasonable for the courts to only give him one weekend a month and half the school holidays. Mediation would be a necessary step before court anyway but the mediator could probably help him realise he'd be shooting himself in the foot more than anything

Hattie765 · 10/09/2021 06:31

He's talking shit no court would make you do that. If he moves away he needs to figure out how he'll get them!

TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius · 10/09/2021 06:33

No. It's up to him to collect them from yours. If he moves away and makes that journey longer that's on him, not you.

alwayswrighty · 10/09/2021 06:35

IME the court normally ask the person who moved away to do most of the travelling for collection or drop off, but the last time I went to court was 2017 so am sure someone in the legal profession will be along to confirm or deny shortly.

ShuddaBeenMe · 10/09/2021 06:35

Not entirely sure but I would take legal advice.

AlphabetAerobics · 10/09/2021 06:39

I’m in Scotland - my ex moved 400 miles away and despite all the blather coming from him and his mum, I’m the end (via solicitor) HE propositioned seeing them just once a month and HE did the travelling.

Please PM me if you’d like the name of my amazing female legal lady.

ZenNudist · 10/09/2021 06:42

Another man using his kids as a weapon. Hopefully before he moves convince him that he needs to stay nearby and parents amicably with you for the same of the dc.

ZenNudist · 10/09/2021 06:42

Sake

gamerchick · 10/09/2021 06:43

You just need to make them available for contact, I wouldn't be travelling anywhere me, he's chosen to move away. 50/50 isn't going to work with that distance.

Tell him it'll have to go through the courts to sort out, sort out child support as well.

DancesWithTortoises · 10/09/2021 06:53

If he moves he does the driving.

Morasssassafras · 10/09/2021 07:04

A friend has, court ordered, every other weekend and half the holidays contact for her DD with XH and she has to meet him halfway. It was her that moved away but that was due to DV.

Bagelsandbrie · 10/09/2021 07:29

When I had a similar situation to this I was told that the court tends to want to keep whatever the original agreement was - so I would just refuse to do the driving and stick to it. If you start doing half of it or whatever they will take this to be the “norm” and if it comes to it you could get stuck doing it.

HeartvsBrain · 10/09/2021 08:12

No court would grant him every weekend, and if he moves away no court will make you do any of the travelling. If the children are really young, and if it would be a long journey, the court would probably tell him that he can only have them for longer visits than just weekends, as a long jorney with only two nights in between would not be fair on them (so he could basically have them for half the school holidays if they are school age, but no weekends), or the judge could suggest that if he wants to see them every other weekend, he must stay locally for those weekends, with maybe them all staying in something like a Premier Inn. Please don't let him brow beat you into anything else OP. If he doesn't change his mind (and I think he probably will when the realism of the situation hits him), then do go to court over this, and I recommend taking up a pp offer of the name of her female lawyer if you live anywhere near them, as finding a lawyer by recommendation is nearly always better than just picking one by random.

NailsNeedDoing · 10/09/2021 08:15

Wtf has it got to do with his mum? Forget about what she thinks or says for a start, she is completely irrelevant.

No, you can’t be made to do the half way drop offs. Let your ex take it to court if that’s what he’s expecting, they will put the responsibility on him to do all the travelling if it’s him that’s chosen to move away.

timeisnotaline · 10/09/2021 08:21

No to EOW, no to doing any of the driving, yes to telling him mum you’ll sort it out between you ex and if necessary the courts and she is none of those.
To ex: I was keen to work out 50-50 custody but that won’t be in the children’s best interests if you move to England. If you’re moving so far you will have to collect them and drop them off, and I suggest you have them every other weekend and half the holidays. It’s a shame you can’t have a weeknight with school etc to be part of their normal routine but it’s just too far.

And if he says that’s not ok, you say unfortunately we will have to go to court then.

kittenkipping · 10/09/2021 08:22

Seek legal advice. ASAP. He's already showing his colours and sending flying monkeys (his mum. Who you needn't have anything to do with btw)

I work in a court setting. Ime Most of the time courts order that the parent that moves away does the travelling. There are many exceptions though.

I've never ever seen a parent awarded ALL weekends. It's deemed unfair for one to have all leisure time- that's why the every other weekend rota is so common because men always blather about having the children but never actually adjust their lives to support being even a part time primary carer. God forbid a MAN adjust his work schedule to fit in with life as a parent

MrsRobbieHart · 10/09/2021 08:31

What age are the children? You need to keep in mind that what is possible now won’t be possible as they grow older when they are in school for longer, have extra curricular activities, weekend hobbies, want to see friends at weekend etc

In your shoes I would offer one weekend a month with him and he does the driving. That gives you a starting point to negotiate up to EOW from which Is probably what a judge will aim for. So if you come in low and then are seen to offer more that will look good for you from the judges perspective.

You need to present everything in terms of what is best for the children. It’s not in their interests to have no weekends with their mother. Leisure time with both parents is important. Nor is it in their interests to be spending hours in a car every weekend.

millymollymoomoo · 10/09/2021 08:35

How old are they?

It’s not only about the drive etc but as they grow they will want to do sports and see friends, be invited to parties. They won’t be able to if he expects them even EOW
If he’s moving a long way, propose half of holidays and that’s it

Anything else he can come to you to visit them

LBOCS2 · 10/09/2021 08:37

DH's ex moved away with DSS after they split up and she's not done any of the travel at all with him - we have EOW so DH has flexed his hours at work to leave at 11 and collect DSS from school; it's a 7hr round trip. It's the only way we get to see him.

Whatever you do, get the courts to ratify the arrangement you're happy with; it didn't occur to DH that his ex would move halfway across the country so he didn't get legal advice and now he's been doing this for 12 years just so he could see his son.

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