Getting divorced, living arrangements. Is this viable in the longterm?

[Moolihooli]

We have 2 kids aged 12 and 7. Although we had begun divorce proceedings at the end of 2019, when lockdown happened we decided it was best for the kids to stay together for the time being.

We used that time to sort out finances etc. She is keeping the house and I recently moved into a small flat. Unfortunately the only place I can afford nearby is a small 1 bed flat.

It’s really important that I’m within walking distance to the kids. Especially since I don’t have enough room to have them overnight.

But I don’t know how long this is viable. Only having the children for the day is very hard. I tell myself that the unsuitably of the flat means it’s best for them but I don’t know how true that is in the longterm.

How damaging will it be if I don’t have regular sleepovers? We have agreed that I will take them on holidays but is that enough?

It's damaging. You need to have space where your children can stay over.

I say that as a former step-child and step-mother.

You don't need to live within walking distance now. You can live up to an hour away preferably accessible by public transport but car will do if you both drive.

I spent my childhood knowing both my parents lived within an hour bus ride from each other. (It was am hour in rush hour traffic.) When my dad moved house when I was 14 he made a big deal of showing all of us, including his adult children, he hadn't moved far from my mum.

This is because long term you need to be able to build a relationship with your own kids separately and away from their mother's home.

Some teens/young adults decide they want to live with their father over their mother as that's who they get on with better. (It's not about who is the strictest parent it is about which parent they get on with better.) Your set up means they can never do so.

In addition if your ex gets a new partner particularly if the partner has their own children or they have children together it is not OK for you to presume you can continue to go into her home as you have no relationship to this partner and children. You may still have a relationship with your ex where you can go into her home, but don't make the assumption it will be like that from the beginning of your ex's new relationship.

With the madness of increasing house prices if you get a new partner in a couple of years you will have to move even further away from your children as if the flat can't fit in a 7 year old overnight it won't fit in a couple. There as if you move now you should be able to stay a reasonable distance.

Finally once you are divorced there is nothing stopping your ex selling up and moving. You then won't be within walking distance.

You need a place where the children can stay at yours overnight, weekends, holidays

Could that happen if you sell up and split equity ?

And from your thread on renationshops, get legal advice- the house is not hers - it’s a joint marital asset and needs assessing in terms of value and fair share.