Don't know how to end my relationship

[justaguy456]

Hi, I'm 32 I've been with my girlfriend 11 years. We haven't had a good relationship for the last 3 years. Both cheated. It's toxic.

She is very controlling she cheated on me first then I cheated on her a year later but she forgets she did it and completely goes off the rails with me. I've told her I'm miserable and not happy any more she won't listen. Keeps trying to work on it. Then the next thing she's kicking off at me texting on my phone. There's so much more she trashed the house when we were arguing.

I'm scared to end it with her she will go mental. Threatens me with she will ruin my life etc.

I don't even know how to get out of this ?
I'm also hurting because I do love her we are just not right for each other any more. I feel sad about the past 11 years.
But I still want out. I don't even no how to start

That sounds awful, do you have dc together? If no dc’s and your partner works outside the home leave when she’s at work or out of the house to avoid confrontation. Leave a note with details of when you’ll be collecting your things.

If you own a home together you don’t have to be living together to sort out sale / buyout. If you are worried she will harm herself let one of her family members or a close friend know you are no longer together and have moved out.

There’s never going to be a good time, that said if you have dc’s more careful consideration is needed.
Good luck

What are your circumstances?
Do you own your house, do you have children etc etc

We own a house, no children. He brother tried to batter me when he found out I had cheated on her. He doesn't know she did it to me.
I can't tell her family they will all be awful to me. I feel very trapped I don't even no how to approach it. She will completely lose it.

Could you move out to family/friends? And then sort the house afterwards? Just leave. Yes she may of cheated on you, but that didn't give you the green light to cheat on her and you lost the moral high ground when you did the same.

She doesn’t sound safe to be around. Get a free half an hour with a solicitor and tell them what you’ve said here. You can’t have people trashing your house and threatening to batter you. A solicitor can also help you sort any assets when you split.

So sorry to hear this but now you've made the decision to leave, that's the hard part over.

I would quietly start putting together your most important things - passport, important paperwork esp tree joint assets, , really treasured items that you would hate to lose and plan where you will stay. Then when she has left for work, pack a bag and go. Leave a note saying you have left etc and will come back to pick the rest of your stuff. From what you have said, sounds highly likely she'll trash anything you leave so be prepared not to return.

There is never a good time.

Good luck 💐

Are you the same person who was seeing someone else you're deeply in love with and recently cut her off even though that's not what you wanted?

Speak to a solicitor for advice.
Leave her and move on with your life. You can’t live like this. Move to another town.