First appointment solicitor questions

[sum15]

I've finally found the strength to go see a solicitor. £120 for an hour but hopefully worth it. I need to make the most of the time so I'd be grateful of things to ask.

I've been with my H 25yrs but married 10. 2 children 12&17. H has a well paid job and I've looked after the kids. Joint mortgage. 2 cars. He's controlling and nasty. I'm really struggling mentally. I'm in a situation where I either put up with it or leave my kids. It breaks my heart to even think of doing that but my soul is destroyed by this man and his ways. I don't want to rip my kids from their home, one is autistic and really would not cope. I know I will end up in some hole but I won't be treading on egg shells. Basically he holds it against me that he's paid for my share of the bills etc for all these years and in his words I'm a lazy fucker. He demands I use my wages to pay for certain things. I always end up with zero each month whilst he's talking about spending thousands on his hobby. I have let things slip because I'm depressed and have anxiety issues but I'm not lazy. I've just done 9.5hrs at work and he argues over him buying a loaf of bread! It's all pathetic stuff and no way a husband or any human should behave. I've done nothing wrong to him, (he can't say the same) he's walked all over me. I'm sat here sobbing after being at work all day and coming home to this. I've tried for years to tell him how his behaviour affects me but he just blanks me. Anyway I'm trying to look forward so any ideas what I can ask the solicitor.

Probably you'll need to set out more details of the financial side (house value, mortgage) and salaries, and anything known about pensions. And then ask about whether you'll be able to obtain the outcome you want, so you need to think what outcome you are after.

Research the process -- check out the gov.uk step-by-step guide here: www.gov.uk/divorce

Many divorces are really 3 things rolled up into one process:
the legality of the divorce (mostly dull form-filling);
the financial settlement, which is obvs where the conflicts can arise over 'who gets what';
the arrangements for children going forward.

Oh, and don't be surprised if people here (and in the process) suggest that with kids aged 12+ you should be looking to return to something close to full-time work. That would likely be expected.

@waterSpider

Oh, and don't be surprised if people here (and in the process) suggest that with kids aged 12+ you should be looking to return to something close to full-time work. That would likely be expected.

My contract is for 24hrs but I'm always doing extra, last week I covered for others and did 47hrs, it's hard work but I'm happier to be at work than home. It's hard working when you have nobody else to rely on. I start work at 7am some shifts and finish at 10pm other shifts, my 12yr old is just adjusting to this. My H is less than happy when I'm not home to cook dinner.

@sum15 - you need to make a list - if you split do you both have a pension, would you be able to buy him out or would the house have to be sold, maintenance for your 12 year old if they are living with you for most of the week.(not sure when your 17 year old turns 18).

Everything would have to be valued and a good solicitor will fight to get you what you deserve. Take the hour to decide if you like them - I had to change mine because all she wanted was to go to court rather than negotiate. I now have someone who is easy to deal with and knows his stuff. Also ask if they will accept a monthly payment rather than being hit with a big bill every month. Most solicitors give you a breakdown of their charges.

I am coming out of a coercive relationship - I would advise you to contact your local Woman's Aid. They will support you. You can also seek help from the National Autistic Society regarding supporting your child and there will be other agencies who can help.

Have you approached your GP re your anxiety? He can prescribe something for this even if it is short term.

Hang on in there - I am struggling at the moment and my kids are nearly 18 and 21 and have been together 27 years but we deserve better.

I'm guessing your key question is going to be about money. Aim to arrive with as much financial information as you can gather - the equity in the house, the size of your/his pensions, any debts in either of your names, any savings in either of your names, anything worth a lot of money (eg a really fancy car, really fancy bike). Also your salaries.

Also helpful is an idea of how the children will live in the future - do you think it will be 50:50 or will they spend more time with one of you than the other?

Best advice I had was to concentrate on getting the finances sorted and getting separated, you can get divorced later.