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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Childcare arrangements aibu

8 replies

Kittycat2019 · 28/08/2021 07:25

Myself and stbxh seperated in June however childcare has been rather ad-hoc over summer due to school holidays. We have both taken some leave and my parents have helped he has had them roughly 2 days a week. Although very rarely overnight but tbh I didn't mind as miss the desperately when not with me they are 8/11. We agreed when they go back to school it has to be formal and agreed 1 day a week he would have them and every other weekend. This sound fine until i push stbxh to iron out details. He is now saying he can't do same day every week and doesn't want to ask bosses to wfh same day every week. He won't even discuss what he considers a weekend or Friday-monday. Friday+Sunday etc. Just says I am trying to plan our lives away... We both work full time and I have always had to organise all child finish early to collect etc it's a week before they start school and in our parenting agreement both said this would be set out by mid August but whenever I try to engage about it get shut down.. I genuinely believe kids need set routine and to know where they stand especially 11 year old starts secondary in sept so big change and he really still just puts his needs first. Arghh sorry am I being unreasonable..??

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 28/08/2021 07:28

No your not being Unreasonable but going forward you need to arrange childcare ASAP im assuming the eldest will get themselves to and from school?

unicornsarereal72 · 28/08/2021 08:36

You aren't unreasonable at all. But some nrp like to make life difficult and think the world revolves around them. I had one of these kept chopping and changing. Like we were just sat around waiting for him to grace us with a visit.

If he won't engage. Then tell him what the plan is. Child care needs to be in place by x date. I propose that as you can not commit to anything consistent arrangement the children will be available eow Friday 6pm and with you for 48 hours.

Kittycat2019 · 28/08/2021 09:06

Thanks I am trying to keep things as amicable as can for benefit of kids as we have managed through all finances divorce etc it's just pinning him down to days and times seems to be beyond him has always insisted puts kids first just dont see it reflected in his behaviour and told I'm difficult. Eldest will get self to and from school and my sister lives close by so if I have to leave early she wil go to her first youngest will go breakfast club again I have to arrange or won't be done

OP posts:
bigbaggyeyes · 28/08/2021 09:22

Yes kids need routine and need to know what's going on.

I'd tell your stbx he has them on x day and eow, if he can't wfh or collect them he needs to arrange his own childcare, exactly as you will have to do on the days you can't wfh etc.

Theunamedcat · 28/08/2021 09:29

Literally do nothing to facilitate him tell him.if he pulls the child out of the prearranged childcare he pays for that day if he wants to do something different he picks a day and sticks to it then if (when) he let's the child down its on him to fix

Kittycat2019 · 28/08/2021 09:34

Thanks all will email him today can't twist words on email .

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 28/08/2021 10:01

Well I agree kids do need some routine -but- it depends how far you live apart too really, and as they get a little older especially at secondary school they’ll start to get more independent and want to spend less time with parents ( sane for parents who are together)
What I’m trying to say is a level of routine is good but as they grow, a level of flexibility is also needed. There will be times they are supposed to be at dads but don’t want to and vice versa

Theunamedcat · 28/08/2021 10:10

Make sure you use bullet points and the phrase "as previously agreed" "time is of the essence due to school"

Don't get personal be as dispassionate as possible

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