confused about separation

[grumpycorn]

Husband and I have been married for nearly 10 years, together for 20 have two kids together. We haven't been getting on well for years, and we finally reached a point recently - where we agreed to separate. We started to come up with plans etc, he was going to go to parents temporarily at first. Then we delayed him going due to illness, and now after several heart to hearts, things are calmer but I feel like now he's sitting in. I've admitted I don't really want the relationship to end for our family, but yet I feel like was all that drama for nothing? Don't we still need to work at something or spend time apart? I can feel my patience running thin with him and as though he's glossing over things. I guess do I ask him to go (as planned) or do I take the risk of him staying and possibly repeating the cycle again? I'm so torn. Thanks in advance

If you decided that the relationship is over then recommit yourself to that. The physical separation doesn’t need to happen for you to move forward. Chalk that one up as being out of your control.

What was the planned next step, mediation or divorce? Crack on with that regardless of his continued presence. He will get the message that the relationship is over.

There’s nothing particularly odd about what he is doing. Like most people he doesn’t like change even if he knows it is unavoidable. He’s defaulting to the status quo because to him that feels safe. And maybe he doesn’t want to live with his parents. I wouldn’t and he may have been told it’s not a good idea to allow you to stay in the family home.

Yes, it seems that people do this often, just "pretend" that everything is ok and wait for the other side to make a move. Apparently, this can last for a very long time and can be very exhausting. If this is really what you want, do not wait any longer, start the process and yes, make it clear to him that it is over.