Little things that caught you off guard?

[KintsugiCat]

Set up a computer monitor today. Which is the kind of thing I would have always have done for myself anyway not asked STBXH to do.

But it made me cry like a little girl nonetheless. I know it’s the whole situation and not the monitor.

Which little things caused emotions all out of proportion?

Bump

Removing him from the electoral roll. Providing his DOB and other personal details when I was buying him out of the house and remortgaging - info I've shared so many times for things but suddenly felt so 'final' in that I'd never need to use them again.

I feel I'm coming at this from a very different angle as pretty much the only time I've thought "oh bugger" is on bin night.

Ah @GingerFigs wouldn’t you know it, the electoral register form was delivered today.

@daisyjgrey the bins and recycling annoy me too. It’s more grief over what I thought marriage would be than missing him to be honest.

Mine is sort of the opposite. I had been asking ex to look at the leaking washing machine for months. The day he finally left, I spend a while on you tube, popped to a diy store and fixed the fucker myself. I cried, but happy tears that it was finally done. I was immensely proud of myself !

Hope you are ok op.

@lovelybitofsquirrell

Mine is sort of the opposite. I had been asking ex to look at the leaking washing machine for months. The day he finally left, I spend a while on you tube, popped to a diy store and fixed the fucker myself. I cried, but happy tears that it was finally done. I was immensely proud of myself !

Hope you are ok op.

I get that entirely. DIY jobs that he considered "man's work" would wait and wait.. If I started to do them he'd get a right huff and grudgingly do them. Now I just crack on and do them as soon as they need doing. And I do a better job than he'd have done

Not knowing how to introduce myself I’d MRS Miss or whatever, was odd for a time. DIY wasn’t a problem I’ve always been willing to have a go and showed EXH how to do some things. Only thing I won’t touch is electrics.

Always things to do with the kids. I still struggle to look at baby pics because, like you, I'm grieving what I thought i would get, not what I actually had.

Thank you @lovelybitofsquirrell I’m doing pretty good today. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head though. I thought during marriage I would have someone to help me with that kind of thing. Not because Infouldn’t do it myself but because it’s nice to look out for one another. It wasn’t really like that, and that’s what I was sad about. So there I am, fixing up my IT stuff before I was married, while I was married and after my marriage ended.

@noideawhatusernametochoose Oh god. The ‘let me go it”. Then the procrastination. Then the huff if I asked when he’d get round to it. And the silk when I just did it myself anyway.

@Tara336 that’s one to think about actually. I will probably go back to my maiden name once everything is final. More paperwork!

@Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep the feeling really sucks doesn’t it. I am looking forward to burning the wedding photos to be honest. There’s a joint album of old family photos (physical ones) that’ll need to be split up come time.

Mowing the lawn. I couldn't bring myself to get the lawnmower out. It was always cut short and neat, to the point that he was mildly OCD about it.

But I did have a sense of joy as the grass got longer and messier and his jaw got more clenched at the sight of unruly grass! A particular favourite was a day when he left the house and I watched him halt in his tracks, look at the front meadow and shake his head in despair. "Ha ha, fuck you! Love me and the 🐞"

An obvious one really but writing that first birthday card without adding his name alongside mine and the kids.

Also, yesterday somebody asked if I was married and I said 'no'. Divorce came in last week after 20 years together. It felt very odd coming out of my mouth.

Being able to choose paint colours I want without asking him. Was infuriating as he couldn't make a decision but wouldn't let me have the power to decide! Was like this with loads of things to the point I was past caring (it was so draining)and our house was a mismatch of items.
I wouldn't burn the wedding photos if you have kids though as they still might want them. Or just out them away for now as you might regret it later.

@Mamamia35 I must admit that I am enjoying the face that the kitchen counters don’t have to be totally free of all objects at all times now. Enjoy the freedom of your meadow lawn!

@AnotherVice Yes, that’s so true. A form came in yesterday that asked “Are you married? Have you ever been married?” I realised while I am still technically married, I haven’t felt married for a long time. So I could answer the second question much more easily than the first. For the first, both yes and no felt like wrong answers.

Thanks for mentioning cards by the way. We’ve no kids, but I did realise that this year I will be sending Christmas cards with just my name on them for the first time in a decade. There is also his birthday coming up. We’re on alright terms so I’m not sure whether I should get him a card/little gift or if that would be weird. Or if not doing so would be harsh.

@RhubarbCustardy It’s such a horrible limbo to be in. That was one of the things a couple of years back that made me really start to realise how close to the rocks we were. We moved house and I wanted to crack on with decoration. He wanted to be fully involved and do it as joint project so we both “created our new home”. But he also said he wouldn’t really have any time to dedicate to that because of the pressures of work and he realised that would be frustrating for me but he couldn’t do anything about it. Brought home to me how little of himself or his time was about his home life in any meaningful way.

No kids, so maybe I can still burn the wedding photos? Or maybe at least some of them. You’re right though, maybe a bit much to go full on scorched earth policy.

I've been loving putting bits of furniture together, choosing furnishings (got nothing from the matrimonial home) and paint colours. It's great!

@BatshitCrazyWoman Glad to hear you are enjoying your new abode