How do you decide about children's "best interests" when you can't agree with exH?

[HosannainExcelSheets]

I've had quite a few issues now, some big and some small.

Example:

My family live abroad. When married, I routinely took the DC there for 4+ weeks in summer school holidays. I want to do that again once Covid restrictions lift. ExH now says it's not in their best interests to go 4 weeks without staying at his. They will still split the summer holiday 4/2 weeks (4 with me). I can't tell whether his perspective is reasonable or not.

We also disagreed about secondary school for our autistic child. I wanted special school, he wanted the closest school so I didn't move and make it harder for him to have DC overnight. He has Fri/Sat night EOW. I think the school isn't a good fit and our DC will suffer with worse academic results than at a special school. But I see the benefits of living close to both parents. How do you actually decide what's the "best interests" though?

If you can't agree, try mediation. If that doesn't work, ultimately, one of you will have to apply to the court for a Specific Issue Order.

When you took them abroad for 4 weeks when you were married, was it just you? Did he allow that? Did the DC enjoy it and benefit from it?

If nothing's changed apart from the divorce, he's just using control tactics. Don't rise to it, he's obviously learned a new phrase. Just ask him for reasons why it's not in their best interests and you then state the reasons why it actually is (continuity, regular family visits, they can facetime him etc).

Even my crazily unreasonable ex agreed to me taking them abroad for 4 weeks.

About the school thing, I've found that with a difficult ex, you have to go on what the DC is actually experiencing and only take action if there is a problem. Anything you suggest will automatically be disregarded by the ex. So if the DC does fit in well at the school and do well, you have to swallow your reservations. If the issues you are concerned about do come up, you can then say DC is being negatively affected, give evidence of it, and say X school will offer XYZ benefits.

@ChurchofLatterDayPaints (great name) thanks, that's really constructive. Yes, I've always taken the DC to my home country alone for 4+ weeks whenever I can get the time off work. He didn't come, or would stop in for a week.

I do think he plays buzz word bingo with me.

As for school, my dilemma is that by the time my DC shows signs that things are going wrong, I'll have 12+ months of arguing with my LEA about a new placement while things slide... But it might not happen the way I fear in mainstream school. I guess I have until October to try to work it out.

Easier to argue with an LEA than an obstructive ex! Good luck with it all.