Any advice or experience esp with childcare if ex is on rotation

[gingembre]

Does anybody have experience of co-parenting with father working on rotation (oil) abroad? STBX is likely to be doing this 3weeks on/off (although difficult location so not 3 weeks back home).

I'm studying then (hopefully) starting a new career in next 18-24 months.

DC 10&8.

No support network for me.

I can get childcare if he's away (I think - hope!!) and I can imagine really needing a break when he's back. But the kids surely can't be having 2 week - 4 week rotations in different homes, it's too much? So then they'd be primarily with me even when he's around.

Every which way I look at this, I end up with masses of child-rearing responsibility, and little time to myself, while studying/qualifying/working (not for high pay) and he is either away able to focus on his work/career, or home and free until 3pm week days.

I've already had a burnout due to his behaviours and work situation (away half the week), I am not sure how I can share the burden a bit more and keep a stability for the kids though .

Anybody with experience?

Should add that I really don't want him going to this location to work as I believe it's going to get dangerous in the next year. I have little say as a wife and will have even less as an ex.

No advice, but can I ask why you think they couldn't have 2 - 4 week rotation in different homes? That sounds reasonable to me, and possibly easier than the more common "two nights a week" arrangement.

We just did (because of illness) them 2 weeks away from me on holiday and it didn't go so well. Both kids crying and while that's maybe normal, STBX has a condition which means he doesn't have much empathy. So when kids are upset about something, he either does nothing, or inadvertently makes it much worse (because he doesn't get that they're genuinely upset, unless he himself feels upset about the same thing).

If he was able to change this characteristic, we'd not be getting divorced. It goes the other way too, so that if they're (or anyone else is, it's not exclusive to the kids) happy and he doesn't personally feel happy about the same thing, he thinks they're being a bit strange.

To be honest I hadn't seriously considered them staying 2 weeks with him, because this issue is so implicit in our family life. There would be some upsides for me though!