Where to start? Help!

[sum15]

I've lived in a very disturbing situation for far to many years now. I'm so ill because of it and I have absolutely no choice but to leave. Almost zero confidence left so this is really taking it out of me. I don't want to uproot my 12&17yr old, they've deserve better than I can provide. My Husband won't leave and to be honest I don't want to stay somewhere where he has the right just to walk in, he's had enough control over me.

I've just returned to work after over 10yrs. I earn about £800 a month, how am I supposed to live on that? I do have savings in my own name and I've desperately tried to protect them so I can help my children one day but I think I'm going to have to use them, but those savings won't last forever and I'm struggling to work the hours I do now. How do I start?

You say your husband has had enough control over you and from what else you say he sounds as if he's being abusive, is that right? Contacting Women's Aid would be my first suggestion. You are exactly the reason they exist

Honestly I've gone around in circles before trying to contact women's aid, it's almost impossible to get through to them especially when I have so little opportunity to call. Which is why I'm here, how do I move out with such little money?

Don’t move out ( however hard that is)
Collage financial info, start divorce proceedings, understand assets ( inc pensions) earnings and see a solicitor for advice
What child maintenance will you receive?
What top up benefitted are you entitled to
Start claiming
And see a solicitor

He controls all the finances, no chance I will see anything as it's all locked away on the computer. I have to use my earning on shopping and kids, I had to work this weekend and he demanded money off me for shopping. There was food in the fridge just not exactly what he wanted. He earns 70k ish as far as I know so isn't short of money like I have been.

Is it going to go against me if I move out?

Honestly I'm so anxious living in this hell.

What is your mortgage like or house paid in full?

I stayed as could take over mortgage payments, but mortgage not too big.

You could claim benefits on low income if you have separated from him, this used to be working family tax credits, but think just Universal Credit now.

Have you officially separated but living together?

There's still quite a lot to pay on the mortgage I believe.

Because of my husband's income we don't receive any benefits. We haven't been 'together' for probably 6 yrs now, I've been in the spare room for all that time, but I've been trapped financially. In my own name I have 20k but I know that will soon go once solicitors are involved and if I rent somewhere eventually I won't be able to afford to stay.

I could really do with some help.

I don't know what to do next. The cheapest 1 bed for myself I can find is £650 a month I earn £800 a month, will I be able to get any benefits to help?

@sum15

I could really do with some help.

I don't know what to do next. The cheapest 1 bed for myself I can find is £650 a month I earn £800 a month, will I be able to get any benefits to help?

With £20k in savings you won't be eligible for any benefits except child benefit - but once you're away from your husband you will be entitled to claim that.. You're expected to live off your own money before the state steps in to help.

I know things look bleak, but really you have £20k with which to escape from your husband with your children - that's a far stronger position than many women in your position. Once you're settled in somewhere you'll be in a position to seek a proper separation and settlement from your husband, one that takes into account his earning and what the children will need moving forward.

If you can't make that step by yourself then persevere with Women's Aid contact so you can get the support you need.

Best of luck

Forgot to add, go on one of the benefit calculators and work out the maximum rent help you're eligible for once your savings are depleted. This will help make sure that wherever you move to can stay within budget once you're eligible for universal credit.

Stay where you are.
Use the savings to pay for some well qualified therapy which will help you.
Quietly start strengthening. Do not tell DH.
This is the first thing I would do.

Also use savings to go back to uni/retrain/upskill xx

In a few months time once you are in a better place file for divorce