Reality is setting in now

[SpendTimeWithTrees]

So have been separated from STBXH for a few months now. Left him due to physical and emotional abusive. It was a very toxic situation.

I feel much better now and am glad to have finally escaped. I was terrified for at least half our marriage and in all honesty pretty scared for most of it. I just got so ground down.

But now some of the other aspects of reality are sinking in.

I moved hundreds of miles across the country to get away. Don’t know anyone here. No family or friends left really.

I start retraining/studying again in a few weeks, it will be wholly online for at least the first year. That is part of a great new start for me and I am really grateful to have that opportunity.

But I am so lonely and I realised today I will spend Xmas etc totally on my own. I’ve done that before but it was a welcome break from a very busy professional life. I pretty much won’t see anyone before Xmas either.

I have no idea really how to meet people and start again. I know I will meet some through study groups on my course, and I am starting a Freedom Programme course online soon, so there will be some company there.

I’m looking into online volunteering. Don’t feel I could manage even a part-time job at the moment because of the studying and I am also waiting for treatment for PTSD front who abuse and also childhood events, so I am wary of taking on too much when I am already facing so much change.

The prospect of this Xmas alone really got too me. I think the initial euphoria of being away from my abusive ex is in an it and now I am facing the reality of rebuilding my whole life. I literally have no-one in my life.

I'm sorry to hear that you have no one. That's really sad.
You can volunteer to a homeless charity and help out on Christmas Day. Serve homeless people dinner etc. I would love to do this some time. Or there's groups you can join on FB, single meeting groups xx

Well done for leaving such a terrible situation. Could you look into some local meet up groups, or volunteering face to face, or a new hobby to maybe meet some people before Christmas? Or perhaps something through women’s aid for recovery? I know you’re busy with studying but even an hour or two here and there might help built your network and be great for your mental health. If you are in Northern Ireland - message me :)

Best of luck, I hope things get better for you and you meet lots of lovely people x

@Perpop Thank you that is really sweet of you! Unfortunately not in NI or I would have taken you up on that.

I’ve got a contact at Women’s Aid and I have signed up for the Freedom Programme. I am just waiting for that to start next month. Very wary of meeting new people until I’ve done that as I know I am really vulnerable just now and liable to let the wrong kind of person in. I met my ex just after my mum died of cancer and I had looked after her towards the end , so I was in a pretty low state. I don’t want to make the same mistakes really. The Freedom Programme runs up til Dmas then there is a three month follow-up programme on better life skills afterwards. So I am hoping that helps.

@millshake01 Thank you. Volunteering at Christmas is a great thing to do and something I’ve done before and gotten a lot from, so if it’s something you’ve always wanted to do I would highly recommend it! I don’t think I could face it myself this year though. I don’t have much in my cup to pour out for others and I think something like that might break me. I worked with a food project for homeless people before and it got pretty harrowing at times. Great thing to do when you have the inner strength/resources but it will be a bit close to the bone for me this year I think.

Not much social media for me just now as I’ve been advised to keep a low profile for safety reasons. I get a bit worried even about posting on here anonymously in case I give away too many details.

But today I got really low and had a good cry and realised I’m experiencing loss. So I had a good cry and now I’ reframing “reality setting in” as acceptance. I’m in my heart of hearts accepting that this is my new reality and I need to just start building again. But I need to be careful to take it solidly and make sure I’m not repeating old mistakes and I need to give myself some time and space.

An old work contact sent out an email blast looking for a house/cat sitter over Xmas eve as they are going away for a month, possibly two. So we’re going to have a chat about that. I’d still be on my own over Xmas, but at least I’d have a change of scene, in a more comfortable house and mostly importantly some furry company. Have looked after the cat before and he is a playful rascal and very affectionate.