I live in Scotland so started a thread about specific legal circs there.
But I'm posting this for a bit of 'moral support' I suppose?
(maybe that would be better in 'Relationships'?, I don't know)
Married 20 years.
2 kids aged 13 & 16. Both Autistic & I'm also physically disabled. During the marriage H has worked in a manual job earning approx 28K. I have looked after the kids & house. I have tried work at various times but due to his shifts / not wanting to take care of kids & especially their additional needs plus my own health limitations I have worked very little outside the house. I am now officially a Carer for my younger child (high care needs) and live on Income Support etc
4.5 yrs ago we agreed I'd move out 'temporarily' with kids (SN and seemed better facilities for them 50 miles away? It ended up being 4 years but now schools have changed & H & I agreed kids best back in original location & own home not temp rented cottage very isolated). During this time 'away' I paid all my bills & no maintenance of any kind was paid. He paid all of the joint mortgage cost (£250pcm) and lived in the house. We didn't visit, he didn't ever have the kids by himself.
Now its better for the kids to move back as their needs have changed. We agreed this would be okay. He has moved out & all bills are now solely in my name as 'he needs to pay for his flat'. We had agreed that we would draw up a Separation Agreement to allow me to stay in the house in perpetuity (kids will need to live at home much longer than average) & he would pay maintenance. Only, I'm back, bills in my name and he's backtracking. Apparently I can now 'have the house OR maintenance'. There is NO equity in house (recently valued) by 3 separate agencies. No other savings or money kicking around.
I appreciate I may have been stupid, but I am where I am. But: Am I in a good position as he moved out of his own accord a month before I came back or am I just saddled with bills and he can walk in whenever he wants? I'm tempted to say: 'House not maintenance' but I don't know if that is wise? I cannot live with him again as he is prone to be aggressive to me and that affects the kids.
(1 month later, this afternoon...)
Well I've not managed to get an appointment with a lawyer yet (school hols, he won't take them so I can be free to do so).
He has taken to 'dropping round to see the kids' most days in the summer holidays. The house has a basement with a separate entrance and I'm making them a den down there (for gaming etc, they are teens) so he could do so there but no, he seems to want to stride in, make himself tea etc. We had a row about it as I said that I am, quite properly, living here as a single parent (& in receipt of CTax benefit as such etc). The neighbours know we used to live here as a couple. Until the Separation paperwork is through I worry that someone will think I'm still living with him part time - I'M NOT - but I don't want any trouble with DWP. I would like to change the locks, but don't want to antagonize him as he can be really nasty. I told him if he wants to come in to see the kids briefly he needs to text to check okay and to knock at the front door. He was furious . He's just walked in the front door and made himself a cup of tea and wandered into the lounge with the biscuit barrel (embarrassingly, I had nodded off on the sofa as I've not been well). When I sat up and asked him what he thought he was doing I got: 'oh, I suppose you want a cup of tea too?'.
I said, 'No, I want a Divorce now'. He replied: 'well there's a problem with that'. Turns out his driving licence is with the DVLA (he doesn't have a passport) so he 'can't do anything'. Lots of huffing and puffing. I said: 'it's not been with them for the 8 weeks I've been moved back and its standard to prove your ID to a lawyer as you know' (he tried to buy a flat in his own name last year & wanted me to give him money)
He started shouting that I 'didn't understand'. I said I understood that he had looked after the kids for a total of 2 x 4 days over the last 4 years. He lives 8 miles away now and has not even had them round for tea in the entire holidays. I'm waiting on emergency dental treatment that I've had to cancel today as Dd not well: I can't leave her.
He said: 'I'm not listening to this crap' and walked out. I put my hand on the front door handle and he knocked it off quite hard to get out (I wasn't trying to prevent him leaving we just reached for it at the same time). If I go straight for a Divorce will it cost more? I've had enough. I'm not here to provide a free tea & biscuits setting for him to moan about his work day / 'see the kids' each day for the rest of my life whilst he lives elsewhere & never looks after them/ pays maintenance!!