Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Keeping him out of my business

10 replies

SpartanRunningGirl · 18/08/2021 15:52

Hi all recently divorced with share friends and older children. Amicable but now I need to move on. I see him sometimes for shared care purposes and he always comments on what I have been up to etc, as a mutual friend or child etc has told him. "I hear you've been to so and so's party..." so you went away for the night" etc. I don't want to be unnecessarily rude but my life is not his concern anymore. Any tips on how you've dealt with this? Tia

OP posts:
Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 18/08/2021 15:59

It feels very violating doesn't it? Once went to a restaurant - we booked out the entire place for my bff's sil emigrating leavers do...
Exh forwarded me photos of me at the table... I sat in the porch and cried... He had obviously spied on their fb to get photos. He knew not a single one of them previously.. Creepy fucker!
Ask your exh if he has heard about your pole dancing / belly dancing classes...
Then tell him to get his own friggin life...

SpartanRunningGirl · 18/08/2021 16:00

Yes violating is the work. My personal life is not him business anymore and I'm uncomfortable with him commenting.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 18/08/2021 16:02

@SpartanRunningGirl

Hi all recently divorced with share friends and older children. Amicable but now I need to move on. I see him sometimes for shared care purposes and he always comments on what I have been up to etc, as a mutual friend or child etc has told him. "I hear you've been to so and so's party..." so you went away for the night" etc. I don't want to be unnecessarily rude but my life is not his concern anymore. Any tips on how you've dealt with this? Tia
It's because he can't quite let go isn't it?.. Like he still owns a part of you.

Simply tell him to mind his own business. Do it politely but firmly. Each time.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 18/08/2021 16:05

"you do realise stalking is a crime?" with a shocked look. would hopefully make him think twice.

MotherofTerriers · 18/08/2021 16:06

I had this and its horrible. I had adopted a "grey rock" approach to him very successfully, and he hated not knowing what I was doing and was soooo pleased with himself when he got a bit of information from anyone.
Lock down your social media - for example you can post on facebook so that posts can be seen by "friends except for" which I have set up so that people I know he is in contact with don't see my photos
Ask close friends not to tell him anything about you
Hope he moves on to someone else and loses interest...

SpartanRunningGirl · 18/08/2021 16:06

@Anordinarymum that's it! I am am consciously working on letting go and I suspect he has not started to do this work yet. Thanks Smile

OP posts:
Hekatestorch · 18/08/2021 16:08

It really is uncomfortable.

In the end I asked why was he talking to people about me/stalking people's faceboom/my Instagram etc.

Just really bluntly told him it made him look like a stalker and like he couldn't let go. He tried with 'well actually X person started the converstation'. I simply replied that he didn't have to engage in it or then bring it up to me and that I would also be talking to X about why they were telling my ex my business. He did stop.

But it's an absolutely gutting feeling.

Getawaywithit · 20/08/2021 11:13

Lockdown your social media - you will need to block him so he doesn’t see anything at all. This will have a massive impact.

Move any bins that are at the front of the house to the back - my ex used to empty the coffee cups from his car and then comment on the contents of my bin/recycling bin. Get a Ring doorbell to stop any coming to the house when you’re at work and looking through windows etc.

Let close friends know you are uncomfortable and ask them to refrain from posting anything on social media with you in it for a few months - he will lose interest as avenues of information are blocked.

Consider who your friends are and be careful what information you are putting out there. If your close friend has a husband who is his close friend, refrain from mentioning him for a while so information isn’t passed to him. Long term, it maybe necessary to rethink some friendships. It’s unfair, but it can solve the issue.

Be vague with your children about where you’re going and who with along the lines of ‘just a work do’ or ‘out with some friends’. They can’t tell him if they don’t know.

If you have a MIL or SIL you trust, let them know you’re uncomfortable. They may quietly help.

Consider the police if it continues. They will warn him in the first instance and let him know it’s not acceptable. It would usually be enough to put a stop to it.

Mardycustard123 · 20/08/2021 13:23

I ignore all and any comments unless it's about DD. He still feels the need to tell me what he's doing though Hmm. I just completely ignore. Makes for an amusing non-conversation. Grin

Dramalady52 · 20/08/2021 13:59

Practise the phrase "Yes, and..." and give him a blank stare. It's amazing how quick they start backing off.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread