Indulge me - I'm divorcing but do you have any stories of Ex-Husbands who eventually realised the grass wasn't greener with the OW?!

[LucyM82]

Looking for just a bit of self-indulgence here and quiet satisfaction! I know it serves no real purpose but it might just give me hope I'll get some retribution, even if won’t change anything.

Short (ish) story:
Husband left me earlier this year – I was devastated. He moved on very quickly, announcing his ‘new’ relationship several weeks after leaving me (she is a friend of his). Everyone else suspected there was an OW when he first left, but the speed within which this relationship has ‘developed’ tells me she was probably complicit in him leaving and it was probably an emotional affair. Although he denies it, in reality he left me for her, even if it wasn’t a full blown affair. The way in which he left followed the script.

We’re now part way through a fairly straightforward divorce (I filed).

I of course feel betrayed, abandoned, deceived and heartbroken our marriage has ended, and ended in this way. I grieve (heavily at times) for the man I married and life I had. I’m doing everything I can to heal and move forward but it pains me to know I am left picking up the pieces and attempting to rebuild my life whilst he gets to enjoy the throes of this relationship. I can tell he is serious about her and it hurts that he is happy in a relationship with the woman who was part of the reason he left and broke my heart.

So….why am I here? Has anyone any stories of men leaving for an OW (or in my case left and then apparently started the relationship), where he is seemingly blissfully happy at first, but then eventually regrets it?

This is not about wanting him back, or wanting him to want to come back (Decree Nisi is next month, plus this "version" of him is vile). This is a bit of self-indulgence on my part that the grass doesn’t end up greener for him and his bubble bursts eventually.

Ultimately I know it doesn’t matter, my happiness is my own and cannot be dependent on this relationship failing (and even if it does I likely won’t know), but… humour me! Let me live temporarily and vicariously through you – any wonderful stories of retribution!?

@Japanesejazz Gosh you have triumphed out of a horrible situation. The one thing I can never wrap my head around is men who disregard their children. How could she not know he has children!? He will surely carry that guilt forever.

@KimmySchm - Very similar here. Mine was acting strange too, texting constantly, taking his phone everywhere and not leaving it lying around, changed passwords on his phone/emails etc., whereas previously everything was open and shared, coming home from work very late, not wanting to make weekend plans, saying he had to work extra days and randomly going in, saying really horrible stuff about/to me. I knew something was going on... I kept thinking "who is he talking to?" "who is giving him advice here"? Clearly it was her.

It must have a been a GLORIOUS day when you received that email! How did he manage to send it you instead of her though?! Did he split with the OW eventually then? I do look forward to the day I can disregard him as unimportant (other than as a parent) and where his choices and life have zero bearing on mine!

'Other people might be able to help with their own stories but my first response to what you’ve said is surely it’s better if it works out for them because then at least it meant something or was worth it. If it was a flash in the pan and that’s what he left you for wouldn’t that be worse?'

Er, no. Oddly, I wouldn't rather that he'd managed to find a real, Newman-Woodward type love with the OW, thus making my own relationship with him looking more like Katona-McFadden.

@SpindleWhorl

My ExH left the OW after two years for another OW. Then he left her for another OW ... and again, and again ... there's clearly something wrong with him that I didn't see when we married. Our DC don't see him now, ever. It makes me very sad, tbh.

Similar story here, although he is a decent dad and does see our kids.

I discovered his affair with a younger woman at work and told him to leave (no idea how it would have panned out had I not found out). He stayed with her but her being 13 years younger and not having any children soon made their different stages in life apparent.

I was very rigid with his time with the children in other than in extreme cases I wouldn't change my plans so that he could lead the fake life of a younger, care free man to impress the OW.

From what I can gather she grew tired of having to plan their social life around his children and he wasn't going to move closer to her because thankfully he wanted to stay close to the kids so he ended the relationship within about 2 years once the novelty had worn off and reality set in.

Funnily enough, he was in another relationship very soon after with someone I vaguely knew who is actually a little older than us and has two children of her own. I have nothing against her, I just feel sorry for her that he is very likely to cheat on her when his needs are no longer being met. It could be 15 years (as it was with me), it would be 2 years (as it was with the OW) but I'm pretty certain it will happen. Our kids like her though so would be nice for them if he didn't.

Meanwhile, I am with someone else and happy and have started divorce proceedings.

My ex is now married to the ow.
Does the whole facebook postings about the love of his life
We split 9 years ago, 3dc together and have a now good shared parenting relationship.
I've been with my dp for 3 years
He still every now and again tells me I look beautiful, offers to help me out for special favours
Recent one was when my dp was in the house, he came to drop something off, we were going out and so I was dressed up, he told me I looked stunning and if I wanted to meet up when we were both free he could remind me how we were so good together!!!
I laughed and told him that my dp was all I wanted and that the love of his life was waiting at home for him so he better go.
God I felt good
Sad thing is that his wife although the ow is actually lovely (never in a million years would I have ever thought I would say that)
She's an amazing step mum to my dc and we now get on really well.
She's now stuck with my dick of an ex whilst I'm so happy, maybe karma, who knows but just guess I'm posting to say that in time you will look back and think wtf happened

LucyM82 @Perinono ..My question is why do these "friends" .. Think its ok to do this to another human being or a family !!! They happily let the hurt a whole family and they can sleep well at night...

Without a care in the world.. If i met a man who did this i would run for the hills.

I would never have my ex back after what hes done to myself and my children...

My ex ran off with my best friend (I really don’t believe nothing happened between them in the couple of months before this)

They broke up within 6 months (he told me she was better in bed than me-that was all it was-sex)

Both have tried to come snivelling back over the years and both have been firmly blocked

He left me,who really loved him,the money I was earning to keep him in the life he wanted (he wasn’t working) which was playing video games all night long,drinking and our baby

The grass really wasn’t greener,as together they created a toxic,drug filled,alcoholic life and the sex they did have was when they where both high as kites so of course it was ‘better’

I know they both regret losing me but I won’t have either back-all so he could get his dick wet

I’m told he played Cher’s ‘if I could turn back time’ on the jukebox in his local while wailing about me with her sat next to him!

I had no words to that!

The best "I told you so" affair story is Johnny Depp leaving Vanessa Paradis for (psycho) Amber Heard...
Didn't end well, did it.

It's also a good ",no fool like an old fool" tale, that one.

My ex left for ow over 4 years ago now. He'd been messing me about for a while. So once he left I put strong boundaries in place. Kids to go eow. No changing plans etc. He pretty much dropped the kids early on. He went on a drink and drug fuelled life style for a few years but he crashed and burned in the end. They split up and he magically moved in with someone else 4 weeks later.

I don't speculate. I have as little to do with him as possible. He has gone through about 8 jobs in that time and has little to show for it. Not that I am materialistic.

I don't know what he thinks. I don't give him the time of day. As he is manipulative. My eldest went NC. Youngest is taken in by the current Disney dad thing going on to impress the new girlfriend no doubt. I just quietly get on with my life. Me and the kids have a happy home and have great fun together. I'm very fortunate.

I pity whoever he ends up with. But I would. 🤷‍♀️

@LucyM82

very similar then. I couldn't do anything right, he would sleep on the sofa (I honestly started to think there was something wrong with me), he would be very rude and nasty to me but then on a couple occasions he started crying telling me he didn't want to act that the way he had been. He kept lying about where he was, one time he had lied and told me he was staying at his parents, but his mum texted me thinking he was at our home, he still tried to lie about it. Silly man.

I have no idea how he sent it to me, wether her and I had similar names? Or maybe he was thinking of me when he sent it and selected my name to send it to instead as he wasn't thinking straight, I have no idea.
Part of me felt almost happy that he was being hurt like he had hurt me, but part of it hurt having that 100% confirmation there was someone else. Despite me knowing the truth for a while, he never had the decency to actually tell me the truth so that was the first real "proof" I had.

It hurts like hell when it happens, but as cheesy as it may sound I do believe when rubbish things happens it's so something better can replace it. In this case, Wether it's finding happiness as a single person or meeting the right person/soulmate.

@LucyM82 She is doing brilliantly thank you- she’s like a new woman now she doesn’t have him dragging her down. She recently met a new man and that is going really well, definitely got an extra spring in her step

I’m still waiting for it to come crumbling down with my ex, and I have no doubt it will. It hurts, but there is nothing truer than time being a great healer. You’ll get there, and when you do you’ll wonder how you ever put up with him

An ex of mine left me for a beautiful ballerina with a very unusual name. A few years later I was getting my eyes tested and an overweight admin worker with a stinking cold shuffled towards me apologetically and did the paperwork. It was her. So she'd abandoned her dance profession, seemed very miserable and lost. The marriage didn't last.

@SpindleWhorl

My ExH left the OW after two years for another OW. Then he left her for another OW ... and again, and again ... there's clearly something wrong with him that I didn't see when we married. Our DC don't see him now, ever. It makes me very sad, tbh.

This is what happened to my Ex.... serial offenders is pretty common and yes even though it was about 10 years after we split it made me feel so much better!

Mine had an affair and left pretty quick.

He became utterly vile to me and the DC and abusive.

He clearly has such bad anger issues which have to aimed at me else how can he sleep at night.

This was 8 years ago and he has totally fucked up his life. There isn't really karma in it because of the impact on DC and their development.

He has put me through hell and continues to hate me.

I'd appreciate a humble apology but he is so self centred it will never happen.

Mine def has a personality disorder.