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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

What would you do in my situation?

9 replies

guildingthelily · 10/08/2021 08:44

Long story short, I have very recently separated from my husband. We have a flat in London to sell which is in my name. We have recently moved back to the UK after 7 years abroad. During this time he took full advantage of our ex pat lifestyles to become an abusive, lazy alcoholic. He gave up on engaging with me and the kids about 5 years ago.

For example, he stopped eating with us, he took the kids out maybe once every two months and only then this was if I asked him to. He did absolutely nothing around the house. He was very verbally abusive to me. And to top it all off he did nothing at all to help me pack up our house abroad. It took me months and months of selling stuff, giving stuff to friends and charities, organising shipping etc.

From selling our flat, i would have enough money to buy a house near my parents in an area I want to live in. If I share the profit from the sale of the flat I won't.

As he is an alcoholic, I would not be happy with him having the children to live with him. Maybe the odd sleepover but not more than that. It simply would not be safe for them.

What would you do?

My mum says I should sell the flat before we get divorced and use the money to set me and the kids up with a new home. I could give the deposit back to his mum of 20k. She could then decide what to do with the money.

OP posts:

PurpleNebula84 · 10/08/2021 10:25

I think you need to go and see a Solicitor - most do a free 30 minute consultation.
I'd be careful about selling the flat and just giving his mum the deposit back. It's a tough one as although the flat is in your name, you are married and can be considered a joint asset - especially if he's split the mortgage and other costs with you. You need urgent legal advice x

Shuffleuplove · 10/08/2021 10:30

No you need to take legal advice from a solicitor, not your mum.

kitkatsky · 10/08/2021 10:45

I'd report your post and get it moved to legal as a minimum but yes, definitely solicitor

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 10/08/2021 11:13

@guildingthelily

From selling our flat, i would have enough money to buy a house near my parents in an area I want to live in. If I share the profit from the sale of the flat I won't.

As he is an alcoholic, I would not be happy with him having the children to live with him. Maybe the odd sleepover but not more than that. It simply would not be safe for them.

What would you do?

Perfectly legal to sell and buy a new place if the flat is just in your name. The rights over marital assets exist in divorce. But unless it's moved into someone else's name (no idea how the court would view this) it's still a marital asset and your stbxh could still be entitled to a share of it.

sunshinesupermum · 10/08/2021 11:24

The property might well be in your name but your husband will be entitled to 50% of the share of it. Can you afford to take out a mortgage to complete a purchase on your own after selling the flat?

LemonTT · 10/08/2021 12:15

@sunshinesupermum

The property might well be in your name but your husband will be entitled to 50% of the share of it. Can you afford to take out a mortgage to complete a purchase on your own after selling the flat?

As would any property bought from the o proceeds of that property. Your gift to his mother would be considered just that.

Original poster

guildingthelily · 10/08/2021 22:49

Thank you everyone. I will seek a solicitors advice. I am no where near starting divorce proceedings yet. As it's still very fresh. As my husband is an alcoholic, I'm hoping if it did go to court then it would be clear that I am the responsible parent and need a bigger share of the house sale as I will have almost full custody. The children are with me full time now. Unless my husband gets treatment and turns his life around which is highly unlikely to happen.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 10/08/2021 22:53

Please, please don't listen to your mother regarding your financial affairs in the midst of a divorce. She very likely has absolutely no idea what she's talking about, and you could end up with some very serious problems. See a solicitor as soon as humanly possible.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 12/08/2021 11:35

You may well get a higher percentage of the assets with a greater percentage of care, there's consideration of that but also both parents housing needs which can vary a lot. If he's having only occasional custody his housing needs might not be so high. It's unlikely he won't get anything. I would be awaiting the outcome of asset split before deciding what to do with your share. Does he have a bigger pension than you? If so you can potentially use this to offset the equity in the flat. Get all the information about any assets and debts you currently have and see a solicitor. They'll be able to give you a clearer idea of possible outcomes. Some other things like length of marriage and who bought what assets into the relationship or who took time off to care for children may come into play too.

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