I am finally scheduled to move out for good this coming Friday because what is going on is so ridiculous.
Back story:
My husband and I have been married for 6 1/2 yrs. We dated in high school 33 yrs ago and restarted a romance after contact on Facebook. He has an adult daughter(1st wife became pregnant after we broke up in high school thus causing him to marry her before graduating)who is 33 and 2 sons 16yrs and 14yrs. I have two grown sons that now live on their own ages 24 and 20. I moved to my husbands town of residence due to his job and I work in healthcare and it was easier for me to move. We married after 9 months of dating and holy moly that was a crap show from the start. I had no idea to the extent of how his boys were until I moved in. They both were still sleeping with him and I told him he needed to fix that way before I moved in to establish boundaries. First night, I discovered he didn't do what he said he was and they both tried to climb in bed with him (ages 8 and 9 at the time). Fast forward through next 4 yrs. When I moved in, the older boy was on 3 different behavior meds just to try to get him to stay in school. I was able to push and push his Dad to go along with controlling diet, sleep routine, and enforce structure and discipline. This was all agreed upon by his doctor. He was weaned off all his meds. Discipline has been the thorn that husband has had hardest time with.
Which to hear my husband tell it, he was the one to do all the work. These kids play ice hockey, which is most expensive sport you can do, their grades are good but they have no responsibilites and they constantly get things bought for them. Their screen time with Xbox and cell phones are not monitored. They spend almost all day on both.
I left once 2 yrs ago and moved back to be close to my sons, he and I went to marriage counseling and tried to address the issues. He had all the right answers and we both agreed to try. I promised to be more understanding toward kids needs and he and the 2 boys moved to where I was located about an hour and half away. But now they just are little princes of the house and my husband gives in to whatever they want. He tries to act all bold and bad by yelling at them, then behind my back they still get what they want.
Last few months have been cold, stale and hardly talking at all. My husband has reverted back to doing him and his sons own thing, not telling me anything (They drive back and force an hr and half in order for them to continue to play hockey with their team mates 3 times a week) and I've had a few blow ups, mostly at the oldest for idiotic crap he does to try and trigger me. Like moving things of mine, peeing on toilet seat and not cleaning up then I come and sit on seat and have to bathe, never leaving the living room when my husband and I try to have private chill time together. He wont admit wrong, nothing is his fault and forget an apology for anything. I think he is on the Autistic spectrum but most of his problem is his Dad still coddles him and the more he babies him, the more his son eats it up. I get no back up what so ever. Only excuses "he didn't mean to" or "I'm sure that's not what he meant"
Baseline for my husband and my interaction: I try to talk to him and he looks at his phone, interrupts me or just flat walks off. We don't go out on dates much and when we do, his boys are texting or calling or my husband seems disinterested all together. Forget romance. I've tried to tell him that things would go better in the bedroom if you start early in the day interacting. I am not fine with complacency and disrespect!
Oh and let me add that my husband treats my sons when they come over like outsiders. He isn't happy until they leave. No very attentive in conversation and has an attitude whole time they are there.
So about 2 months ago I got all of us to go to counseling. Again my husband comes out the gate with all right things to say. Once the boys wanted to meet with the counselor one on one and of course we welcomed it. The counselor met with the parents alone and let us in on what the boys said he could. He said that they don't understand what a man and wife roles are and handed us a paper of questions they had that are unanswered by us. It was all having to do with why they had to move to where I was, they didn't think it was fair. Why do I not apologize for things I did wrong. All their spoiled reasons of discontent are laid on me.
So I am done. I knew this was no use a couple months ago and all this other stuff just verifies my choice. It sucks but why should I wait for hope they will soon move out and fly the coop. I feel they will never leave and if they did, my husband would spend his retirement paying their bills.