Is there a rule of thumb for splitting finances up?

[MoiraNotRuby]

I can't find anything online but surely there must be a standard way of agreeing finances without spending a fortune on pension actuaries and so on?

Separating after 20 years, 2 kids, agreed to sell house and split equity 50/50 but then there is the pension. STBEX has a fantastic one which now pays him every month, plus he has a paying job. I have almost no pension as we couldn't afford to pay into both of our pensions. I have a mediocre job, which I've stuck in for years to allow DH to do the job with great pension that he's now retired from.

Is there any sort of online calculator that you can put your details into and it tells you what a court would say is fair?

Short answer is, not really. Moreover, if a pension is being paid, it counts as income rather than needing valuing as a pension. Question is whether his job+pension is large enough to make a play for 'spousal maintenance'.

However, wikivorce does provide something like the kind of thing you may be looking for : divorce.wikivorce.com/divorce-calculator/divorce-calculator.html

Thank you. Oof that is galling to hear. DH has already said if I get solicitors involved he will turn it into a battle. The calculator looks great though. Thank you. Hopefully it will be an impartial way to get to an agreement.

Please don't feel worried by threats of abattle. The reason he is saying that is because it is in his best interests that you back down. What are your best interests?

How old are the DC?

Is 50% of the house enough to house you easily? He has a much higher income enabling him to get a mortgage whereas you don't.

You really really need good legal advice. Also bear in mind that it "starts" at 50/50. The variables change that division. Please don't agree to anything without legal advice. I've been there.

Were you married as it doesn't specify in your OP

That will obviously make a big difference in your favour

I recall a form E, which compared all assets and costs and as part of this needing a CETV (cash equivalent transfer value) for our pensions.
I was able to keep the existing house equity based on the fact my exH had a generous pension (vs my low PT pension) and that I had a high amount of care for DCs and therefore reduced future ability to make significant money. My DC at the time were both still in primary school.

He's trying to push you to accept the balance in his favour rather than a fair split.

Thank you. Yes we are married, with teenage DC. 50% of the equity and starting again with a 25 year mortgage will get me either a large enough house in an inconvenient area (DC at 2 different high school & 6th form, one will always need a lift so the other needs to be walkable iyswim), or a house in an ok area but one bedroom short. I'm thinking about whether I can sleep in the lounge until eldest hopefully goes to uni... Just writing this down I can see I need to toughen up. He is crap with money and I want him to end up with enough to house DC for 'when they visit'. But I guess that's not my problem.

With DC under 18 it's highly likely you will get more than 50%!!!

You need a shit hot lawyer and fast. You gave up your career to raise the DC and support H in his - again courts recognise that.

You could look at a mesher order to stay in family home for a few years although courts order a clean break.

If H starts to delay it's likely because he finds out that you housing the DC whilst at school means a more than 50% award in your favour.

A pension thats already being drawn is an income rather than an asset, so a very different scenario.

Get a lawyer, he'll screw you over otherwise. There's a reason he's making threats if you get solicitors involved, he knows it's in your best interests.

Why is he threatening to get arsey if you involve lawyers? Well, yes, obviously he thinks it would be to his advantage (and reassures him that he is still the one in charge).

Get a shit hot lawyer (SHL) to advise you in the first place so that you really understand what a court might order. They won't be able to tell you precisely but will know the likely range. Take your snd his financial disclosure to the first meeting. You don't need to use the SHL to negotiate with your ex in the first instance, you can just say I think would be fair.

If ex tries anything, you are lawyered up ready. Good lawyers for divorces are like good fences for neighbours. Good luck.

Although his pension is now paying out, as you agreed as a married couple to invest in a pension in his name I would say you have a very strong moral argument that a good proportion of that pension income is yours. Which will be why he doesn’t want you to lawyer up. So lawyer up right away.