Hi,
I posted a few weeks ago (under another name) to say that my stbx hadn’t contributed a penny towards our two children since he left (I ended the marriage - I’d been unhappy for years). Also, that he is living in an inherited property (parents’ bungalow) that he has taken a £50k loan out to have refurbished inside.
He still hasn’t contributed to the children and I had planned on shared care and just left it at that. I am still in the family home (mortgage free) that has to be sold. I had been willing to do a 50/50 split of the family home. Yes, he would be mortgage free as he has another property and I would need to take out another mortgage. I’m a fair bit younger than him and earn more so this wouldn’t have been a problem.
However, the youngest child (13) is refusing point blankly to stay with him as she doesn’t want to live in a bungalow and the eldest (17) stays 2 nights a week. I began to realise that I was not only paying for food/electric/gas but also all school costs etc. I have already bought all new school uniform and he hasn’t contributed a penny to anything.
I am realising that this is unfair. So, I have brought in a financial solicitor who I will speak to next week. I also phoned the child maintenance people and they advised using their online calculator to see what he should be paying me (approx £400 a month) and to print it off and show him it to see if we can come to some sort of arrangement. He said I am living in the family home rent free - obviously, I can’t move out as waiting for a financial order of some sort.
I am more concerned about the lack of time I am having to myself. I am going through the menopause and things have been tough a while. I work in a senior management role and stressed a lot. I would appreciate him having both kids on a regular basis (even if just 2 nights a week) as I can’t go anywhere!! I have no parents alive to assist. I can’t go swimming, cinema or anything - let alone meet anyone else in the future. I am away with the kids atm and have paid for all of that plus food and activities. He has said he can’t get any time off in the school holidays. He is getting a lot of time to himself! I am getting zero. I am feeling very anxious and get tense a lot when I start to crack. I need a break from dealing with crap at work and then coming home to deal with it. He works shifts so uses that as an excuse. He takes the kids out for a day out most weekends but never tells me when, in advance, so just turns up! Always has them back for their evening meal. He also spends money on them when out - will buy them an expensive piece of clothing or something - but pays nothing to their upkeep. I am made to look bad as I don’t spend that amount on clothes!!
Is there anything I can do to make him have some sort of child contact arrangements as he works shifts? I quit my career to work normal office hours which I resent him for. He is in a much lower paid job.
I feel trapped tbh.