Why would a ‘dad’ who wants no involvement with his child refuse a full child custody order to mother?

[Ele01]

Why would a father who has said he wants no involvement with child refuse a custody order of me having full custody of our child during divorce I find this odd like is this a control thing? he doesn’t want anything to do with the child and doesn’t even ask about the child about their well-being and after divorce a custody order was mentioned and he refused and he would not consent to a custody order regarding child for mother to have full custody

Any thoughts or any experiences of a similar thing?

Yes it’s control, my ex has no involvement with our daughter but won’t give me permission to change her surname, he doesn’t even see her!!

I’ve read all the comments thank you. Yes it seems like power control? He still trying to make me pay marital debt which I’ve refused it’s not in the settlement (I have marital debt too) but it was ordered that our debts in our name is now our own as not enough money to do around but he is still wanting more money and asking for it outside the order - he has asked about it even though he earns more than me and I’m a single mother on my own with no support it’s just me and child. I feel it’s been one big act with our child and he’s been emotionally neglectful to them but then turns around and says I’m the actually abuser and that’s why he’s not involved.
Do you think if anyone hears that off a man would someone decent question well then why did you leave the child with her? It sounds funny doesn’t it I’m bad for worrying what people think, but you’re right giving headspace to the why is just no use. I will look into this freedom programme too x

I have said to even ex no matter what you do I’ll never stop or be in way of a relationship with child I’ve told him this and I never would because I don’t want to ever it be said I stood in way my child is old enough to understand too that dad one day just wasn’t there and I have never brought him down badly all I’ve said is sometimes even parents can make mistakes but we all love you very much etc ( although I wouldn’t say to child but his actions or no care or asking about child etc shows me he cares little) - but I keep reassuring child I’m always there I guess I’m just really stepping up doubly because I don’t want it to affect my child obviously it has affected us both but I don’t want it to affect her as a person emotionally growing up - I’ll always leave that door open but ex has emotionally neglected our child completely it’s very sad.

I totally agree if a parent alienates the other I’ve seen it too were child favours the other parent that’s why it’s got to be done right and never be the person that used the kids in divorce I find it gross when people do that / all I wanted really was for both mum and dad to be there for our child during a divorce was that so hard or unreasonable to want? :( but I’ve done it all on my own xx

So what are you going to do OP?

Depending on the age of the child be mindful of saying daddy loves you too. That sends mixed messages what love looks like.

My children are older. And I have said their dad loves them in his own way but is a rubbish dad and has let them down. He is also non contact. Although recently step up with youngest as has new girl friend.

It is such a difficult balancing act of not bad mouthing the absent parent but also being honest with the children. In an age appropriate way.

Yes I haven’t said directly dad loves you etc. Just that ‘everyone loves you’ and then I just say regarding dad not seeing her etc that even parents can make mistakes but it’s nothing what you have done or said that doesn’t make dad see you - then I just reassure I’ll always be here etc x

@unicornsarereal72 it’s good point regarding the age appropriate and being careful on what to say x

@RandomMess

If he gives up parental responsibility I don't think you can claim CMS

You absolutely can. Lack of PR does not mean you're resolved of financially responsibility.

absolved

I didn’t think any parent can just give up parental responsibility - I read somewhere only adoption can over right the original parental responsibility or if say a court took your rights away.
He’s paying cms now but got 2/3 months he refused to do it as a mutual agreement x

Sorry I meant to say my ex is paying cms now but 2/3 months he refused do it as a mutual agreement x

How old is your child?

You can apply for a residency order. I have one. I did it myself.

@Marmitemarinaded 11 half years old x

And keen to see father?
Close beforehand?
How long ago divorce?

@Marmitemarinaded divorce I petitioned nearly a year ago so it’s nearly a year now and in that time he has not seen child or enquired about child. He wasn’t really a hands on father - the exact words from child when we discussed everything was she can’t tell difference him not here because it was always me cooking her food and looking after her etc that’s how she said it. They were ok together would watch movies etc together but he wasn’t very close because he wasn’t hands on particularly - it didn’t seem to bother daughter at all she never cried for him never asks about him - it was kind of like I ask so your ok with it all joe things changed etc?
I’m just worried it may affect her when she is older because one day he was there next day gone forever and then all this nastiness and disregarding of her x

@Marmitemarinaded the only thing she gets upset about and I can see her get upset is if she mentions her grandad etc not seeing them - because my ex said I’m not seeing child I’m not sending gifts for birthday and I’ve told family to stop sending things (which I found really cruelly it’s one thing deciding you don’t want to see child as a father but to stop sending gifts and telling family to stop?- why would an ex husband do that to a child?
I find that particularly hard how to explain when he next birthday comes around and doesn’t see presents or anything from the other side of the family x

Have you tried contact your Ex family direct to explain DD would like contact with them? Even if it can only be FaceTime?

Disagree with most others. If he won't consent to residency (not called custody any more) ask the court to make a residency order. This means you can take the child abroad without his permission. If there is no order made then technically you have to seek his permission to take child abroad, or to go on school trip abroad.

@RandomMess my ex’s dad (child grandad) was fully supportive at first and then last year when the separation actually the occurred that day ...nothing- I texted and he blocked me. I then not too long ago texted from my child’s own mobile saying that this was her number and she has been upset regarding not seeing him and would like some form of contact and he read it and then never got back to me. Obviously ex has told him not to speak to me etc i fully believe if ex was seeing child he would be there being a grandad but because he has chosen not to he won’t do :( x