What happens at FDR in court

Mylifestartstoday · 2021-07-28T07:49:00+00:00

Just that really. We haven’t been able to agree a financial settlement due to ex hiding funds etc. I have to be at the court at least an hour earlier than our time with the judge, and just wanted to know what happens if anyone has been through it. Thanks in advance

noideawhatusernametochoose · 28/07/2021 09:02

Is yours going to be in person? I've got one coming up in next few months (had to be postponed from an earlier date) and that's still via video.

Original poster

Mylifestartstoday · 28/07/2021 12:55

Yes, I’ve been advised mine is in court.

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noideawhatusernametochoose · 28/07/2021 13:17

I assumed they were staying virtual, I guess it is varying region to region.

Have you got anyone representing you?

Original poster

Mylifestartstoday · 28/07/2021 13:33

My solicitor can’t make it so they have arranged a barrister, but I’ve not met them or even spoken to them yet.
There is a number of queries I have from the pension reports that I’ve just received, but with court in just over 2 weeks I’m not sure what happens in court.
I assumed the solicitor speaks for you but someone told me that the other solicitor can ask you questions, so I just like to be prepared.

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noideawhatusernametochoose · 28/07/2021 16:12

@Mylifestartstoday

My solicitor can’t make it so they have arranged a barrister, but I’ve not met them or even spoken to them yet. There is a number of queries I have from the pension reports that I’ve just received, but with court in just over 2 weeks I’m not sure what happens in court. I assumed the solicitor speaks for you but someone told me that the other solicitor can ask you questions, so I just like to be prepared.

I expect the best thing will be to ask your solicitor how to approach all this. Presumably you'll have a conference or meeting with the barrister a few days before the FDR ? Hopefully someone more knowledgeable than me will be along to give you more informed help ! Good luck :)

demolitionduo · 30/07/2021 00:21

I spoke briefly to my barrister before the hearing and met them in person on the day at the court.
They will have received the court bundle and all info from your solicitor.
We spent an hour or so discussing things before going before the judge. You will have a private room/space to do this.

I was not expected to say anything in court. My barrister and ex's barrister thrashed things out. The Judge gave some guidance on what he would expect would be fair but then directed us to thrash it out further before going back to see him later that day. We then went back to our respective private rooms to discuss ways forward. The barristers then acted as go-betweens until we finally agreed what we thought was reasonable. We then went back before the Judge who confirmed the settlement agreed was fair. In my case it went 58/42 % in my favour.

Your barrister should be well versed in the process and guide you. I certainly felt very 'safe' in her hands despite only meeting her on the day.

I hope it works out well for you. It is draining and you can be there all day so take snacks/drink to keep you going.

Original poster

Mylifestartstoday · 31/07/2021 15:54

Thank you. I hope I don’t have to say anything, but if I get quizzed then him being quizzed will be interesting as I don’t think he’s told the truth in a number of years.
It’s just really sad that after 18 plus years you end up on opposite sides of a table arguing over ££. I always thought my life was mapped out, husband, children, then grandchildren hopefully, enjoying retirement. He will probably have those things, just with the other woman. Trying to keep emotion out of it is very hard

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noideawhatusernametochoose · 04/08/2021 12:31

@Mylifestartstoday

Thank you. I hope I don’t have to say anything, but if I get quizzed then him being quizzed will be interesting as I don’t think he’s told the truth in a number of years. It’s just really sad that after 18 plus years you end up on opposite sides of a table arguing over ££. I always thought my life was mapped out, husband, children, then grandchildren hopefully, enjoying retirement. He will probably have those things, just with the other woman. Trying to keep emotion out of it is very hard

I'm sure you'll be speaking with the barrister soon, but as long as they have a note of all the points you're disputing, I think then they will do the quizzing for you. Good luck! I know what you mean about thinking you have life mapped out. It pulls the rug out doesn't it. They carry on with their new lives and we're left picking up the pieces.

Moutainwoman · 04/08/2021 23:45

Wishing you very best of luck xx will very shortly be in same position, please update on how it goes. Got fingers crossed for you 🙂

noideawhatusernametochoose · 16/08/2021 12:23

@Mylifestartstoday

My solicitor can’t make it so they have arranged a barrister, but I’ve not met them or even spoken to them yet. There is a number of queries I have from the pension reports that I’ve just received, but with court in just over 2 weeks I’m not sure what happens in court. I assumed the solicitor speaks for you but someone told me that the other solicitor can ask you questions, so I just like to be prepared.

How did you get on at your FDR?

Original poster

Mylifestartstoday · 16/08/2021 18:33

@noideawhatusernametochoose

My barrister met me there, he had a solicitor. The solicitors kept meeting up to thrash out a deal. The deal I got was what he could have agreed to 2 years ago, all that money wasted.
We didn’t have to speak, our reps did all the talking other than once when the judge directed a question directly to him.
There were things I had to let go and accept I couldn’t do anything about.
It wasn’t worth the expense or the stress involved but had to be done because the ex is a Wanker

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demolitionduo · 16/08/2021 20:45

@Mylifestartstoday
Pretty similar experience to me. Yes, the money 'wasted' is eye-watering but freedom is now within touching distance. Go grab it and get your life back! Good luck!

noideawhatusernametochoose · 16/08/2021 21:02

[quote Mylifestartstoday]@noideawhatusernametochoose

My barrister met me there, he had a solicitor. The solicitors kept meeting up to thrash out a deal. The deal I got was what he could have agreed to 2 years ago, all that money wasted.
We didn’t have to speak, our reps did all the talking other than once when the judge directed a question directly to him.
There were things I had to let go and accept I couldn’t do anything about.
It wasn’t worth the expense or the stress involved but had to be done because the ex is a Wanker[/quote]
Bet you're glad it's all over.

I've heard that quite often - that the deal brokered was one that could have been achieved ages before. The only winners there are the lawyers.

At least you don't have to put up with him any more :) Onwards and upwards!

Original poster

Mylifestartstoday · 16/08/2021 21:16

I am glad it’s over, it’s just very sad how everything once shared together, comes down to £ in the end.
The judge (in my case) didn’t care about me not working due to illness, or his financial/emotional abuse…..it’s purely financial. In fact he got empathy because he’s been diagnosed with a form of cancer (even though it’s treatable).

It’s not fair, don’t expect it to be…..if you go in knowing that, anything is a bonus 🤷‍♀️ You don’t win, ex doesn’t win, only the lawyers win.

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GentlemanJay · 18/08/2021 22:53

Another here who agrees with. The deal we did could of been agreed 18 months earlier and saved £15000 each. The only winners are the solicitors.