Should He Be Paying Towards DD's Food/Clothing

[Mummykins54]

Husband moved out 3 weeks ago - DD is 17 - 18 in Sept and about to start uni.

He is paying half the mortgage and I have taken on all of the other bills.

Currently DD and DS who is 20 have been staying 5 nights with me and 2 with him. DD is looking for a part time job at the moment but that is to help with uni costs. Question is should he be paying towards DD's food/clothing. He earns 2k a month more than me so I am losing a lot of financial security in the split.

He also advised her not to take out a student loan as "me and your mother will pay your costs!" This without consulting me - I cannot afford to pay her uni living costs i.e.travel/books and whatever else.

Any advice would be most appreciated

TIA

Well he should be until she is 18 or you agree otherwise. Have you asked him for money to cover that for the next couple of months?

You need to speak to him about ongoing support - eg that you can’t afford to support her as much as him while you, plus also what about when she comes home at holidays.

@millymollymoomoo - she will be staying at home but train fares are expensive and imagine books will be too plus she has to be clothed.

I mentioned it to him the other day about food for her and the reply I got was well they might end up staying with me 4 nights and him 3 - currently they are doing 2 with him so basically that was my answer!

I'd be telling him that f he wants to go that route then any clothes, books, toiletries etc you buy will be staying at your house and he will have to provide it all for the time dd is with him.
Obviously that is going to be quite difficult given her age, works better for younger kids.

Your DD needs to take out the loan. Dad can sun her if he wants.

You'll be providing a room for free but she may have to contribute to food and bills as well as her travel, books etc.

Be honest with her that you can't afford it and he shouldn't have offered on your behalf!

What is his contribution to the mortgage? He can argue, successfully, that this offsets any CMS.

@Itsybitsydooda

I'd be telling him that f he wants to go that route then any clothes, books, toiletries etc you buy will be staying at your house and he will have to provide it all for the time dd is with him. Obviously that is going to be quite difficult given her age, works better for younger kids.

That only punishes the DD!

As a person whose parents split when I was 16, whatever you try and do to the other parent, only ends up hurting the kid! You decided to split, not the kids, figure it out between you and leave the poor kids out of it.

Your DD should take the loan, this will give her financial independence and your ex will not have be able to use finances as a source of control over you or her