Staying together/selling house

[JustLookingforAnswers]

I have posted a few times before, but this divorce process is a nightmare to say the least!! 😢

Told husband in January 2020 that wanted a divorce, took a while but in June 2021 got the decree absolute. We had agreed he would buy me out of the family home and we got a financial order to sort that out. So far all ok except childcare but that is a different point.

A couple of weeks ago (probably a month away from financial order payment deadline) he told me his lending had been declined and he tried everything, all sorts of loan options but he cannot keep the house and cannot pay me my share. Only solution is to sell.

He is upset, I get it. I'm a higher earner and can get another place. He cannot. But I'm angry he tells me this now when I already found a new place and got the solicitor preparing paperwork.

He asked me to stay in family home and that we would make it work until our child is older. He is only 6... so many many years to go.

I feel super guilty as I do not know where he will live and he probably cannot buy anything so will need to rent.

But he keeps saying he will get custody of our son and I will only see him twice a week, that I'm destroying my son's life and that if this is what I want and if I'm pressuring him and putting him in a corner then we put the house on the market this week and go tell our son straight away. And that he will tell the little boy the truth that his dad wants to stay but mum doesn't and dad doesn't have enough money so will need to move far but he will still see mummy.

I'm completely at loss, part of me thinks I should stay to avoid all this; another part thinks I'm so close and he is saying this to make me feel bad. I can't stand him but I'm so scared.... any comments please xx

Do you need to go back and look at the financial settlement again so that you both get to start out again in a similar size house?
His rants about what he tells your child are unfair and horrid. But we all lash out.
What about mesher? Can you rent for a while?

omg, do not stay "to avoid all this" - stbxH is trying to manipulate you. Stand your ground.

Lots of people rent. It's not end of world. He'll be ok.

Tbh I’m surprised the financial order was agreed if there were questions about ability to raise money to buy you out

Putting the emotional blackmail with your son aside ( which is completely out of order) based on his earnings can he actually afford to house himself neat where you are now and have a decent home with your son or is this going to be really challenging ?ie is there an element-of truth?

Is there a reason you didn’t want to buy him out?

However, while stability is important for your child, neither of you have to stay in the house. Children can and do settle into new homes

Thank you for your responses!

The financial order was approved and says he needs to give me x amount (for the house and savings) or sell the house if unable to.

I offered to buy him out but he said he wouldn't allow me to stay in the house he worked so hard to refurbish etc. Yes he is controlling in many ways and the blackmail about my son is ongoing; it isn't a burst of anger moment he always says this. Used to be worst!

Based on his age and earnings, bank only prepared to lend around 85K - he can't buy a house in our area but might be able to just about get a flat maybe... there is some element of truth but when I asked him to work extra hours he says no as he doesn't want to compromise the time he has with our son when he is still young - he really is a very involved dad, sometimes too much if that is possible.

He knows I'm too emotional and scared and is now saying he will sell but he will tell our son tomorrow. With or without me despite me trying to explain that we shouldn't say anything until we have a clear plan to explain to the little one. We can put the house on the market but no need to tell him just yet!! He makes me doubt myself so I wonder if he is right.

He is adamant he will do it (tell DS) if going through with house sale is what I want. He is so nasty 🥺

The option we are now discussing is to allow another few months/a year for him to increase his earning potential so the house isn't lost.

In the meantime I plan on applying for a childcare court order to protect myself and my son.

He is using fear and unfortunately it is working as I'm seriously considering it.

I don't have the energy anymore.. slowly giving up on everything.

Fish it sounds really hard

Tbh I think you’re wasting your tube trying to reason with him. He’ll stall, find some excuse not to sell in a tar or two, won’t have increased his earnings etc then you’ll be in exactly the same place as you are now

Crack on with the sale

Apply for childcare arrangements order and do t ( however hard) get drawn into a war of words re your ex to your son. Just remain factual and age appropriate re why you need to sell the house. Eg mummy and daddy need to five two houses now so this one needs to be sold

I think he’s using the guilt to keep control over you and if you allow if it will continue

Gosh not fish!

God so many spelling
Time not tube
Year not tar

@JustLookingforAnswers don't give in to him. You cannot control what he does or the way he acts. Whatever you do he will always be this way. Always. So you need to do what's best for you.
A court order is a good way to go because you can include for instance that he cannot talk to your child about 'grown up' subjects. And much more. Of course that won't stop him behaving badly but it does mean you have some come back.