Divorce at 61 after 30 years together

[Suburbanqueen]

I am beyond sad. My husband no longer loves me because I suffer from depression. We split up in 2017 at my instigation because he used alcohol to cope and was unpleasant with it. I fell apart and regretted my decision and begged him to come back. He came back after 8 months and we made the decision to leave London for 'a new start. We live on the South Coast now and have a lovely house and some good new friends. Our son also suffers from anxiety and depression (partly caused by all the turmoil over the years) came with us because he couldn't afford to stay in London. I know my husband can't help how he feels and if the love has gone, it's gone. I just don't know what to do. I have a daughter and granddaughter in Berkshire and she is not being terribly supportive. My instinct is to go home to London but I can't afford it. I earn very little down here and the thought of having to go back to work is horrible. I don't think I can do it. I am exhausted and just don't know where to go from here. Has anyone any advice?

No advice but enormous hugs, that’s sounds beyond awful.may be worth counselling for both of you, or you if he won’t go. It kind of helps to blurt it all out to a kindly person who listens and can help you see options. 💐

Thank you. I am relying on friends and the occasional counselling session when I can afford it.

I’ve found some counsellor s offer help on a pay what you can afford basis. It’s worth asking. I also think you’ll get some super advice on here. There are some amazing people who are so willing to help.
Am really with you, this is so awful. Cup of tea as well as 💐

Also london may not be your london any more. I know the london I knew as my home is now changed beyond recognition. You may be better off where you are. Also know some people who left behind their grandkids and mates to ‘ move home’ only if course ‘home’ is a state of mind and they are now isolated and sad. Take time to look after you, and get strong before you make any decisions would be my advice, for what it’s worth .

Yes, wise counsel. I am trying to take my time to decide on any next step. I know London isn't an option so I guess I will stay here but hoping some of you on here can offer a few words of comfort and reassurance that my life is worth living.

Lots of cups of tea and reassurance from friends help. Thank you NMR. Where in London are you from? I come from Ealing

I am 60 soon and married almost 32 years. My STBX has finally left the house after 2 horrible years .

It is so hard at this age to think about starting over. Do you have any money or savings after selling London house ? Also if you divorce , you may be entitled to some of his pension. I would focus on getting yourself settled on your living situation.
Are you getting any help with your depression ? Your GP is the obvious place to start. I too , suffer from depression and a combination of drugs and counselling has really helped. Living with someone with depression can be difficult but alcohol is such a damaging way to deal with it. That is not your fault that he chose this . I am sorry that you are going through this , it is not easy. But in my case , the years I have left can't be as horrible as the past few ones living with my cheating husband.

Sorry you are in this position
What I’m going to say may sound harsh but please take it as intended

Your life IS worth living
You could have 20/30 wonderful years ahead of you
Everything will feel scary at the moment but you need to take the time to find you. Youve spent your life being a wife and mother - finally this phase of your like is about you
Take time to explore new adventures
New hobbies
Have a go at things - you may just find you enjoy them and meet wonderful people
Work feels daunting but could be the best thing and open up many doors for you
Don’t make hasty decisions about where you should live just yet
There will be bumps in the road along the way - this is normal

And make sure you get the financial settlement you are due!

Try and focus on the positives..

• You have some lovely friends
• You live in a fab part of the country
• You are entitled to at least half of all your assets
• You could have years ahead of you to enjoy the freedom
• You won't have to be his a nursemaid to anyone

Just take one step at a time, see a solicitor and ensure you get what you are entitled to financially and secure yourself, just baby steps..there is light at the end of the tunnel, just keep moving forward.

Thank you everyone. I am trying to focus on the kind of life I want going forward. I have just come back from a wedding in the New Forest. I went on my own and stayed overnight. It felt odd but I managed it. Thanks again :)