Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Separation and mortgage payments

13 replies

Bloballbovish · 18/07/2021 21:01

Background - I am SAHM, two young kids, have initiated separation during to lying and general shit from my wife. We own the house and have good equity in it. House was bought jointly after marriage. Kids are both legally ours, I'm bio mum.

Wife always refused to have joint accounts, so we roughly paid half the bills. Wife paid mortgage and some other bills, I bought food, and other bills and it was usually a similar amount. Even when I wasn't working and was home with the kids, I had to pay my half through savings and crappy bits of online surveys etc.

Wife has just moved out. She offered to pay all the mortgage but hasn't offered maintenance. I assumed we'd consider half the mortgage to be her contribution towards maintenance ie. instead of messing about with each paying half, then her giving me other money, her paying my half was in place of maintenance. I've since found out that she wants to keep paying the whole mortgage because she thinks she can keep the whole house if she can prove I never made a mortgage payment. I know this is false, that being married means I'm entitled to half (or more because of the kids, I'm very much primary carer).

My plan was for us to pay half each from now, as this is the point we officially financially separate. I'm putting the bills in her name into mine and taking her off the council tax. So in my mind, we draw a line now as to having an equal share in the house and from this point forwards we need to share the mortgage payments, or the equity will not be equally split.

However... I know that if I pay half the mortgage I'm going to have a fight on my hands to get maintence out of her. She's got debts coming out her ears so she's trying to get out of paying what she needn't. So her paying all the mortgage would at least mean I'm seeing some financial help off her. But if I let her do that, am I risking getting my full 50%? We'd be looking to start selling the house in a year or so if all goes well. So that's a year of her paying full mortgage 'for me'.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 18/07/2021 21:09

Who pays what is largely irrelevant
You’re not automatically entitled to stay In the house nor get 50%~ could be more could be less

You need to seek legal advice really

What’s the plan for childcare arrangements going forward ?

Bloballbovish · 18/07/2021 21:12

She hasn't mentioned wanting to see them at all tbh. She's looking at renting studio flats so I'm guessing no nights a week? I asked and she said we'd talk about it later. She spends little time with them anyway.

OP posts:
Bloballbovish · 18/07/2021 21:13

Oh and we agreed I'd stay in the house for a trial period because it's the children's home, while we're decide what to do in the long run. One of us had to leave as we couldn't live together and it was easier for the kids for me to stay.

OP posts:
AutumnColours9 · 19/07/2021 09:16

My ex paid half mortgage along with minimum CMS which was the least he could do considering his terrible behaviour during our separation and the costs he inflicted on us. I think he didn't want to look even more hideous to the solicitor. He never intended to have the kids as was sofa surfing (his words)

Anyway the paying half didn't affect the settlement. I got the entire house (he has other assets of which I also received a share).
Do either of you have other assets or pensions?

I personally would accept all the financial help you can get. She signed up to this and has a commitment. It's about a roof over the kids head. That should be number 1.

Bloballbovish · 19/07/2021 12:17

She has a pension but I have no idea of details. I don't think there's much in it as she started it quite late. I have no pension and there are no other assets.

I'd accept her paying the whole mortgage in lieu of child maintenance for now, but I just don't want it to mess up the equity later as I'll really need as much of it as I can get. I don't think anything other than a 50/50 split is fair, it'll leave us both with enough to get somewhere else. But clearly she's going to play dirty and try to get out of that.

OP posts:
ivegotthisyeah · 19/07/2021 19:16

@AutumnColours9
Can I ask is your ex a really high earner?
I'm fighting for similar and we are paying half the mortgage each but he wants me to give him £45k when my youngest starts secondary school - he too has other rentals he thinks it s a really good offer but I'm not so sure

MrsBertBibby · 19/07/2021 19:59

Hi, it makes no odds at all who pays the mortgage, for a married/civil partnered couple.

I assume your ex has PR for the children?

Bloballbovish · 19/07/2021 20:22

I know it makes no odds while actually together. But does it make a difference once we've split? I was worried that while separated, when she's living elsewhere, they can say that because she paid all the mortgage in this period, she is entitled to a bit more than half.

They're her children too, yes, legally.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 19/07/2021 22:59

It makes no difference.

I'm a divorce lawyer btw.

I mean, don't sit about for 20 years without sorting things out, obviously!

AutumnColours9 · 20/07/2021 00:24

Hi I've got this, no he is a middle earner with other assets. I would get expert advice, an actuary report if there are pensions involved and you might be able to get more leverage gaining more equity in leui of his other assets (pensions or rentals etc). My ex genuinely thought he didn't have to pay anything at all and would keep his assets and half the house. Some are very naive. Good luck 👍

ivegotthisyeah · 20/07/2021 08:15

Thanks @AutumnColours9 did you go to court?

Soontobe60 · 20/07/2021 08:27

First job, get child maintenance sorted out properly. She doesn’t have to pay the mortgage, as she will need to pay rent for herself. Assume you’re going to have to pay it. If you sell the house, as it’s in joint names you’ll most likely get a 50/50 split, regardless as to who pays the mortgage. You need proper legal advice though.

Bloballbovish · 20/07/2021 19:36

Thanks @MrsBertBibby and @Soontobe60

The mortgage is pretty much the same amount as how much child maintenance she'd have to pay, so it kind of evens out. I'll get legal advice as soon as I can but I feel better knowing I don't have to rush to do anything urgently with the mortgage.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread