I'm lost I need help.

[thirtys34]

Hi. I'm 34 been married 7 years and with my hubby in total for 18 years. The last 2-3 years haven't been great I love him but as a friend. We have two children 7 and 4. Various things broke down he ever since we have been together is always texting other women behind my back. Then when I have my first baby his parents butted in and really put a strain on things. Then I had an affair last year. I told him and he seemed to forgive me and wants to work it out. But I don't. I'm having counselling because I've been a door mat my whole adult life.

Having Emdr therapy and it's making me feel and value my self more.

Separation won't be nasty we have talked will always stay friends and co parent,

We still live together share same bed but not intimate.

I'm scared and I don't know what to do next.

But I dream of living on my own and being independent.

Any body could help and give me some advice. I'm scared and lost.
I've never been on my own since I was 16

First of all - breathe and remember - it will be ok!
I remember reading a post on here when I was getting divorced and it said it was a bit letting a bomb go off in your own life. It s a bit like that, everything's goes up in the air for a while and you can't see for he chaos - but eventually everything falls back down to earth and you can re-start.

Firstly I assume your husband knows you want to divorce?

I think, if you are sure your marriage is over - you need to stop sleeping in the same bed. It sends the wrong messages to everybody and can be extremely uncomfortable for both parties. If at all possible make arrangements to live separately either one of you move out or at least use a spare bedroom.

Take a look at all your finances including valuing your house if its owned and any pensions. Also include any debts. You will then have an idea of the total "marital pot" If you are amicable you can do this with your STBX but it might be advisable to do this separately. Make sure you both declare everything.

Whether you use a solicitor or not will depend on your circumstances and how amicable things really are. Be prepared for your current amicable partner to become anything but friendly. Even if you don't eventually use a solicitor it is probably advisable for you to have an initial consultation with one anyway - most offer a free half hour.

Start thinking about how you will co-parent and where the children will be and time between parents.

Its all very hard stuff to have to deal with - try talking to someone in real life and take one step at a time. You will get there.