Has anyone voluntarily walked away with nothing?

[fan90]

I hate this process so much. STBXH was abusive and controlling and after years of this I'm finally off. I want to get out of this so much but there's a complicated financial situation and he has to pay me out and obviously doesn't want to. Meanwhile we're in the same house, and it hasn't been bad on a day to day basis, but now that he knows things are happening (as in, divorce is actually going through) he's being difficult. I have paid for a solicitor and am going through the process but he seems to think that I'm tricking him. My crimes were:

1. Registering matrimonial home rights
2. Applying for the decree nisi before sorting finances

Both of which my solicitor asked me to do. He seems to think I'm behaving very unreasonably and by god I wish so much that I didn't have to deal with him or have any kind of interaction with him for the rest of my life.

I'm wondering if it's better to just leave with nothing and live in poverty/difficulty and somehow build up life slowly after that. I'm in my forties so it's not going to be easy, but how do people do this?

My sister ran away in the middle of the night from an abusive husband. She went back home to live with our parents. Her ex wouldn’t settle the divorce but my sister bumped into someone from their village who told her he had posted the banns for his second wedding. We were looking forward to going to the wedding ceremony and waiting for the vicar to say ‘Is there anyone present …’ but when my sister told him she knew , he signed the divorce papers and paid up. I would say get out now and sort it out later. It sounds as if you have a good lawyer.

It doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong. Don't walk away with nothing, you don't deserve to live that way.

Yep me. I was in an emotional, financial, sexually abusive marriage for nearly 10 years. I packed up a few bin bags with clothes, stuffed them in the car and left.

During the divorce settlement, all I wanted was for him to pay my fees which amounted to about a grand. He left with 2 houses, all the contents of those houses plus pensions, savings etc. It was the best decision I ever made and I've never regretted it.

He even kept my hair dryer (he had hair about 1/2 inch long)

My best friend did. At the time she was convinced she was doing the right thing by just walking away with the clothes on her back.
15 years later, she regained her strength, and is saying she shouldn’t have let him get away with it, she regrets not taking her share. Now it feels like violation, then it felt like a small price to pay.

Yes me, he abused me, I was resumed by a fire arm squad. I let him keep everything because I knew he'd fight me at every battle. He even contested the divorce!!!!

So when he said I want everything I said to the court fine by me he can stew in his own shit, the judge smirked and said I can understand how you feel but are you sure? And I said he's contested the divorce do you think he'd not contest every penny and item?

I kept the dog, because I sold him to my mother for a £1 therefore wasn't mine to give back. Mother sold me the dog back for £1 a few months later 😂 judge agreed the dog had been sold and could not be argued.

Please don't do this, especially if you have children. I know it must be so hard but don't let him win. You deserve what you are legally entitled to and there is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing this.

This is the game they play so you back down. Lawyering up and getting what I / my children deserved when I divorced my cheating EXH gave me my power back.

If you do that he will win. He will still be controlling you.
Let the solicitors do their job, and if he has anything to say he can do it via solicitors.

I was prepared to walk away with nothing (no kids, just half-share in equity of house to forego). XH messed me around so much that the divorce took four years, transferring from Scotland to England in that time when it was realised that nobody had actually filed. Instead of claiming nothing, by this time I was determined to get my half - which the judge duly awarded as he was not impressed by XH attitude. XH had been such an awkward bugger that his entire half was spent on his solicitor and barrister; I self-represented and walked away with my half intact.

Yes I did. I left well into the minus with his debts in my name.
I’m nearly 20 years on still paying it off, my kids (subsequent, not his) have suffered tremendously, I will never retire and am renting so will never be able to leave an inheritance or help my children onto the property ladder.
Not an hour goes by where it’s not in my head.

I do not recommend it.

Thank you for your stories. I have calmed down after thinking it through a little. This process is very hard.

@fan90

Thank you for your stories. I have calmed down after thinking it through a little. This process is very hard.

It is It’s fucking all consuming.

Mine tried to short change me, said his (large) pension shouldn't be included. I nearly gave up with the misery of it, and I wasn't even living with him at that point! So I feel your pain. In the end I held out after legal advice (more reassurance really, I knew my rights) and several years on I have built myself back up again - which is a lot easier with a little money, I can tell you!

You only have to fight this battle once. Stay strong.

Try to walk away from concerning yourself with what he thinks. But stick in with getting your share of the assets.

I did it and I wish I hadn't. I left with nothing but what I could fit into my little car. We owned two houses at that time - I took nothing but my savings of a few thousand to get me started again. He kept everything else - even my precious chess set which Dad had taught me to play on ( that still grates on me 20 years later !)

Fight for what you are entitled to - you'll just get this one chance , do it for your kids.

I walked away with nothing but we didn’t have much in the first place! I lived without a fridge or washing machine for a while which was a pain with the DC but I thought it wasn’t worth the arguments. I get on well with exH now (and have all the usual household appliances!) so I guess I’d do the same again.

I did from my ex boyfriend and we had bought a house. But we didn't have kids.
Now separating from my husband with two kids I need to go through everything for them.

I did, no kids, just packed up my stuff in my mums car and drove away. He had tens of thousands hidden in different accounts (not in his name) that i couldnt be arsed to fight him. It would be difficult to prove.

In the end i think i accepted £2000 and used it to put a deposit on a house and start again (a £2000 deposit, those were the days!)

I left everything, i didnt want any of it, most of it was second hand as he was too tight to buy new.

I did too ... many years ago now ... left with absolutely nothing ... he paid school fees and zero anything else .... if I had fought that, they would have had to move school ... which felt too much on top of everything else .... so I just put my head down , lived in shitty place , no money ... literally nothing for food & heating .... decided I could do this on my own ... set up my own business ... many years later ... multi million £ business ... which I would never have if I hadn't be put on that position !!